I Never Told You, I Just Held It In

             I just came back from the park. I had a nice little walk and a great big talk with an old friend. Turns out she wasn’t that mad I got really distant with her. I still blame myself because I could have told her what was going one. That’s not like me though.

            It seems that life is treating her really well and I’m happy for her. I wish and hope it stays that way. She wants to lose weight and I hope she achieves her goal. And again, it was really nice talking with her. It had been months since we had seen each other and we live in the same city.

           I did tell her about my mom. She hugged me with tears in her eyes, and as much as I also wanted to burst out in tears as well I held it in because I have already cried enough, and I’m not much for crying in front of people. She’s so sweet. I wonder if our friendship can recuperate after such a long time apart. I really do love her and care about her so I hope she feels the same way. I miss her still.

           I honestly do not know what the future has in store for me anymore soI have been falling into the feeling that I don’t even care anymore. If its good, then welcome, if its not, should I even be surprised?

Get My Body Back

Oh boy Journal,

      These past days have gone by really fast, I haven’t even had time to write! (Or have I just been lazy?)  But nevertheless, last Friday was like any other Friday, the only difference was I got a company check this time, (not some crummy agency check). Plus I got an employee badge with my picture on it. Honestly I don’t know why that makes me so happy, but it does.

      Saturday was normal just as one is. I did go running with a friend. He really knows how to keep up for someone who doesn’t run on the regular. (Oh, by the way, I started running/jogging every day). I’m taking my health really seriously. Like those crazy healthy people who weirdly know how much calories are in every single edible thing (how do they do that? Let alone, why?)
healthy-meal
      We ran a good four miles that day and I felt really good. But once I was at home, I felt like I was dying. I felt like I fell off a cliff and rolled the four miles instead of ran. Sunday morning came around and wasn’t any nicer. I felt like my neck was as thin as a string and it was hard to keep it up. My feet hurt with every single step (even when they were carefully and strategically taken). I stayed in bed watching TV. I would doze off at times but then come up for air because I felt the “string” holding up my head was on the inside of my throat and it was getting more and more tighter as I breathed.

      Once I calmed down (drama queen), I drank some water and made some tea (fancy). Then I thought maybe a nice little bath would make my body fellt good. So I bought some Tylenol and some relaxing bath bubbles and went home to enjoy myself. That worked, while I was in it. But as soon as I got out I felt the same. Took one extra pill then feel asleep. Woke up maybe around three AM and decide just to stay up. I was just rolling in bed so thought that  was no good.

      I went to work and everything seemed fine. It hurts to swallow and the pain comes and goes. Once I got home my mom told me to go to the doctor before I go worse. Which I did (hesitantly). The Doc said its a respiratory virus. I should be good in some days if I just take care of myself and drink a lot of fluid and vitamins.

      He prescribed some cough syrup which kind of worked? I mean I haven’t coughed, so. I just want it to be over. I lost four pounds last week and I feel so motivated this week till this happened. I want to go back out there and hit it. Get my body back (Zac Efron). I’ve never been “slim” but I feel this will be the year or so help me I will drown myself in Ice cream and paddle my way as far away as I can with my barbecue chips as paddles straight out of human civilization. 
drowning-in-junk.jpg



3/6/17