Forgiving Friend

Friends can be a blessing, but sometimes they can be a curse.

I came out to a friend a while ago. He took it pretty well. Said he didn’t see me any differently. I appreciate that of him.

But then, all of the sudden he started getting busy. Not having enough time to hang out with me and when he wasn’t doing anything he would just do nothing. He would suggest we go out, or hang out at home. All I needed was quality time together.

Then he started to be shady. I hate shady. He began being indirect. One word answers. So I did what I usually do when I’m frustrated. I started to ignore him.

I pushed him away thinking he would stop me. I stopped talking to him completely.

Why he did surprised me. He came to my house. And told me that we needed to fix this. I told him how he let me down. How I feel like he would be different. How I feel like I’m carrying this friendship on my back.

In the end he apologized and I as the forgiving friend that I am forgave him. Will things change? I have no clue. But I am hopeful. I want them to. I want him to participate more on us.

It would be nice if he changed. But then again I shouldn’t try to change him. But he needs to understand that I have him everything of me , and I except that in return.

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Bold

I’m sitting in a fast food restaurant I used to work at and despise. Now I’m calming eating  and munching on the chicken sandwich like it was the best thing I’ve ever had.

 

I was supposed to meet up with a friend here to go watch a movie. She said it was way to cold and her bed was way to comfortable. So she didn’t arrive. I told her I’m going to watch this movie with or without you. She told me I was bold.

 

Am I? Has there never been a person that has entered a movie theater alone to see a movie? I know it sounds pathetic and the old me would have probably never thought of such a thing.

But I’m tired. Tired of people canceling on me and ruining the fun. Who said I absolutely need someone by my side 24/7? I don’t. (Don’t tell my anxiety).

 

If if I have to go through this life alone but do the things I want and make myself happy, then so be it. I have to stop depending on others for happiness. Because at the end of the day, I’m the only one I can trust.

 

Brother To Brother 

            I’ve heard stories about it and actually seen it happen in real life, but I never thought it would actually happen to me. 

            Family has to have the strongest bond. You see them every day and they basically know all you deepest secrets. You’re close to them like no one else. They know what you like, what you don’t, and your deepest desires. So what happens when they no longer want to carry on with that bond? 

            My brother isn’t the most social person. He isn’t loud, he doesn’t make friends easily. I understand that because I know how that feels. He’s seventeen now and really unmotivated. All he does day in and day out is spend his day on his phone or playing video games. 

            I ask him to wash dishes, or do something that needs to be done around the house. He gets up set and does it with a bad attitude.  

            I wonder if it’s just him or maybe that’s how every single teen is now a days? With the advancement of technology everyone just wants to sit and not do anything. My mom and I have encouraged him to get a job but he doesn’t want to. 

            Now he barely talks to me. Or gives me the silent treatment. I’m not forcing him to be someone else, I just wish he was a little more motivated. 

            Doesn’t he think that we need help? I know my moms cancer isn’t affecting him in this way because he was already like this before we found out about the news. Even so, that should motivate him to work and grow as a person. Not sit on the couch and just shoot at aliens all day. 

            I told my mom that I was going to take him out to lunch and talk to him. Just brother to brother. I don’t want to loose our connection and our relationship. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend. He is family and I want us to be in each other’s life forever. 

            I don’t want to end up like those stories, where brothers go their own ways never to talk to each other again. That’s tragic, and awfully sad. But is it too late?