Social Media

Is social media ruining friendships? Or in the contrary, is it helping friends get closer to each other?

My over all verdict is going to have to be that you can decide which way it will go. Social media has given us the gift of being somewhere with someone, but not actually or to be more literal, physically been there with them.

This in its own sense can be good just as it can be evil thing. You can be enjoying the beauty of nature from home through your eyes of your friends pictures. You can be at the ocean while your furnace warms up your cabin in the mid west on a cold winters day.

I know it’s not the same thing as actually bing where the picture or video was taken. But don’t you feel like your there? Or at least feel the sand in your feet, or the smell of trees , and been the wind blowing in your hair.

Then again, you can also know the exact location of your friend. Or honestly really anyone. If they allow you to see their mobile location, you can pin point where they are with an almost exact precision.

This last one has ruined my life. I think a lot. I am one of those people who asks themselves every possible question that really has no answer because they are foolish questions.

Why are they there? Who are they with? Why didn’t I get invited? Then once these questions don’t get answered, they are followed by deeper ones. Maybe they don’t want to be around me? Maybe they became bored of me? Is this their way of saying goodbye?

Social media. Good or evil?

Advertisements

The Aftermath

I did it. I finally did it. I came out to my best friend and I thought it was going to be the hardest thing ever but it actually wasn’t. It’s was a little too easy I thought.

That’s not the thing that’s is bugging me though. It’s the aftermath. I thought this would bring as closer. But then again there was a possibility that it would drive us apart. And I feel that is what is happening.

I know it must be hard for him to understand or comprehend, and I should be understanding, it’s not everyday your best friend tells you he’s gay. But still I feel that there is a distance between us.

I over think things a lot. This might be one of the ultimate situations I have been overthinking lately. But who are we kidding? How can we possibly say that things were going to stay the same?

I know he choses what words to say. I know he’s careful in the way he speaks. We planned on hanging out the day after I told him and that day we didn’t end up doing anything because he had to go do “stuff”.

I thought to myself, does he not want to hang out? I also was thinking how needy I am. I need approval I need validation. Maybe he’s just tired of all that? Maybe he’s been drained and is to the point were he’s had enough but can’t find it in himself to cut me off.

I’m afraid that if I give us space eventually one of us will walk away. Will that happen regardless?

I sent him a Buzzfeed snapchat. On it was a list of things you like to do on your phone. It was all for fun. There was a question in there that he answer that bugged me. “Do you like texting rather then talking in person?” To which he said yes.

I swear I over thought that so much. Like, was he saying that he doesn’t want to hang out? Or in general with other people? But still how can someone like to text more that speak in person? And I the only one in this world who still sees the value in personal interaction.

I don’t know what to think anymore. No, that’s wrong because we all know I have so many more thoughts. But I’ll stop here for now.

Swiper, No Swiping

I did it. I mean I really did it.

I deleted all my dating apps. I only had them for about two weeks but they were starting to take over my life.

Wake up, swipe, eat, swipe, drink, swipe, sleep, swipe. There was just too much swiping. I was getting matches left and right not to toot my own horn or anything.

They were mainly for hook ups but I did have some cool conversations with some of them. Even added them on social media .

But since I’m looking for love and I was not seeing a hint of that I had to let it go. I don’t think I believe in apps for relationships anymore. I don’t think I ever did I just really wanted it to happen. And it didn’t so my theory was proven right.

I always felt like dating through apps was too mechanical. As if you are trying too hard to find love. Love is supposed to happen just because right? Not on some app with some stranger that just happened to swipe right because he was like “eh he ok.”

So now I’m open to what ever. A friend says they have someone in mind for me , show me. If we happen to cross each other’s path then so be it. But I’m just really tired of trying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Awards, Drama, And Friendship

Today was a weird day. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning for a run like I have been doing. Since I go in at four AM I have to wake up early to run (because #fitfam LoL ew). Soon that will stop though, once i start going in at six again. Anyway, work was super easy. It was Friday and I just wanted to be done. But then they told us we had to work tomorrow, which should have bothered me seeing as it's the weekend and I have a life and by life I mean pending shows to watch on Netflix but it actually didn't. 

There was a town hall meeting and they told us that the contract was renewed. So us (the distributors) will still be working for the client of the product we are distributing. Not sure if that makes sense, well in short, I have a job for at least another year. But I hope I'm working somewhere new maybe writing.

At that "meeting" I received two awards. One for attendance and another is for Outstanding Inventory Partner. It felt good to be recognized. Sometimes you do your work and feel so disconnected and forget there are actually people observing how hard you work. Hard work pays off.

No raise though which sucks. 

After work I had an interview at a fast food restaurant but like the true me that I am, I didn't go. Anxiety got the best of me once again. It's cool though instead of putting myself down I just have to work on it. Practice. I know one day I will be outgoing and have a lot to say but until then I can be me in my little shell all I want. 

Oh, I almost forgot, so speaking of work. Our inventory manager quit right out of the blue and good thing she did I hated hat bitch. Apparently she texted my lead yesterday saying she wasn't going to come in today because the "new employer" wanted her to start working today. So she left my lead in charge. That's crazy though who quits like that? Like, on hey, just letting you know I'm not going to go to work today, I have a new job. I just find that so hysterical. So now we don't have a supervisor or a manager. I really want my lead to take her spot. That way I can move up to lead. Then I'll get a pay raise. Hallelujah.

Any takers?

Also, one of my friends is heading to Mexico for the weekend. And get this, since we have a streak on Snapchat (it's like a fire flame thing that counts how many continuous days you snap chat a person) he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave me his login. So I can snap chat myself as him and not lose the streak! To you it may sound like cheating but to me that's friendship. That like made our friendship points go through the roof. True friend. Don't know many people that would do that honestly. I just think it's super cool. Like, would your friend just lend you their logins to their social media accounts?

Now to bed because I have to work mañana. 

A Letter To Myself

            I wrote myself a letter because I felt that no one really understands me except myself. I try to communicate, but the only person who actually listens is myslef. I have waited for help from others but it hasn’t arrived, I guess, the only person I can expect help from is, myself. 



Dear Pedro, 

            I can see what you are going through. I can almost feel it. You left social media. Deleted Facebook. Never post on Snapchat and have grown distant with your friends. They must not understand, but I do. I see how every morning it’s hard for you to get up. To face another day with problems. It seems like you can’t get a break. Don’t give up. 

            I understand you have no money. You can barely afford to keep the fridge stocked up for your family. How do people expect you to go out? And have fun? When you could use that money to pay bills and buy food. Survive. No one sees that, but I do. Don’t give up. 

          When I ask if everything is ok, you always say yes. But I know that’s not true. I ask again, surprised you look at me and tell me the truth. No one has asked you twice. No one asks for the truth. They only want to hear “ok” and “fine” to get on with their lives. But I care. I want to know. I can’t fix it, but I can lend my support. If you don’t want to talk we can just sit in silence. I know how sometimes you want to be alone, but not feel alone. Don’t give up. 

            I can see how sometimes you can’t even cry because you see no use in that, you just want it all to stop. But wait, think about your family. Your mother and brother. You have to stay and look after them. Who else will? Don’t give up. 

            I know that your mom has cancer. I’m sorry. Life has treated you very unfairly. Your going to lose your job due to a work permit that has yet to arrive. I know, life is hard. Don’t give up. 

            With all the problems you have, I won’t ask you to come and have fun. I know you can’t. I know that when you go out all you think about is your problems. The how’s? And the why’s? Don’t give up. 

            You can’t focus on anything else. So then I’ll ask you what you want to do. What will help? I’ll give you a warm hug just so you know I feel your pain. I’ll tell you it will get better. That it will be ok. You will respond in a negative way. Saying how it’s not, and I don’t understand. But I do, so I’ll say, “even if it doesn’t, I’ll be there by your side.” That will put a smile on your pale face, no one has ever said that to you before. Don’t give up. 

            I know each day gets harder. I know each hour drags on by. I know every minute is excruciating. I know every second air seems to get thinner and it’s difficult to breathe. Don’t give up. 

            I know how many times you have thought about it. Don’t do it. I know it seems like the only way out. Don’t do it. I know the reasons why you would want to. Don’t do it. Don’t give up. 

Even though you want to do it really bad, and sometimes you are on the edge, hanging on for dear life, and you might think that there is no turning back, I plead and beg you, just don’t give up