I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but when lonely comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do except roll out the red carpet and let it in.
So two weeks ago I downloaded tinder. Don’t know why, ‘just cause’ could be a concrete answer really. Since I decided to give up on Love, I went the hoe route. Sleeping with random strangers.
In all honesty, no I don’t feel bad. When had a little fun hurt anyone? Ok maybe not the best example but still.
And hey, I work two jobs, pay all my bills and rent, take care of my family, put food in the fridge, and I’m generally a nice person. So who’s to say I can’t be a hoe once in a while? No one. You try to walk in my shoes see how long you last.
Along with being filthy, I’ve also been going out a lot. Getting closer with a friend. He doesn’t know I’m gay but that never comes up. Nor do I have the need to tell him . Does he know? Does it matter?
Any way this is my 100 post and I was going to do the whole thank you a and what I’ve learned about blogging but I’ll save that for later since I have to save time for hoeing around.
I have had my share of dates here and there but none of which have blossomed into healthy relationships. Probably the opposite . I’ve dated girls and boys, not bragging by the way. Although, I was wondering if it was time for me to jump in the pool again. Of course, by that I mean placing one toe in a few centimeters every minute or so. Like I said before, I’m not one to approach people and ask them out, so me making the first move would be so far fetched .
In my first relationship I was young and didn’t know who I was yet. I was discovering myself. And I dated as the world had told me to. Boys date girls. It was a wonderful nonsexual relationship. We talked and had feelings for each other, as one does when one bonds and spends so much time with someone. But there was no physical attraction.
After that I started to poke my nose in the “gay scene” more. I didn’t like it atall. Every app I had downloaded was all about sex. Sex sex sex. Nothing but sex. If you talked to a guy it was to find out who’s place the hook up would be at. Guys would only be interested in getting in your pants and not in your heart. Maybe I’m too over over romantic , or just a hopeless romantic period.
Anyway, I dated guys here and there that didn’t seem to creepy and horny. It went well but I never found Mr. Right. Yes, ok, the guys I dated were charming and nice and what not, I mean I did chose to date them after all. But they weren’t what I wanted. Or what I needed. I have a complicated life so I need someone to be understanding and compassionate towards me.
Which makes me wonder. I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. Is it time to go back? Or will my high standards never let me fall in love? Is my life just too complicated for just any one to handdle? Or am I just too dramatic? They say that there is a person out there for everyone, but maybe I am the only exception.