Three Dates One Week

I went on a date yesterday. No, not a dinner or anything fancy but it was nice. I met this guy like I do most guys online, talk to him and add him on my social media. I basically have to figure out if it’s safe or not to meet him. I want to have fun but I don’t want to die.

The plan was to meet up at Jack in the box and eat, I’m a cheap date honestly. But that didn’t work out so I just met up at his work. Speaking of his work he’s the one that got my brother the job at the same place he works at. So I felt like I kind of owed him a date. Sounds bad but I had a good time.

I honestly thought I was only going to to see him once, but I’ll be seeing him again today, he has a really nice smile and I kind of actually liked him. I’m not gonna say that I fell for him because I didn’t. I just like looking at his face. (LoL).

Tomorrow I have another date with another guy I’ve been talking to. He seems really cute but for some reason he swears every guy he meets blows him off and never speaks to him again. I want to know why. Not that it matters much but he’s not fat, he’s really sweet, and he’s cute. Why would guys run from that? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Saturday I have another brunch/movie date with the guy I met (sexually drunkenly made out with) at the club a while back. I have a feeling he’s going to cancel for some reason , he’s cute too but I would mind. These threes dates I’m under a week can get to me. Plus I have a lot of stuff to do in between all this dating.

I honestly don’t know what I want. To have fun? Be in a relationship? Am I ready to fall in love again? How will my life change if any of these guys are actually worth it? Either way im swimming in the ocean and seeing what’s good.

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One Week

What I thought was going to be a romantic summer novel turned out to be a short lived short story.

This past Monday I went over to my lover’s house (I guess we can call him that), and we talked all night. We had a fight during the weekend, I wanted him to come with my friends to the club but he wanted to go to the movies, and watch Mama Mia. I told him no, and that I was going to go with my friends with or without him. So for this weekend (our first and last weekend) we went apart.

It was not until Monday night that I understood why he wanted to spend so much time with just me. I though he was leaving in the beginning of August, but he’s actually leaving this Saturday.

My heart was torn. I knew he was going to be leaving so I was prepared but now having him tell me that is was going to be sooner really dug a knife in my heart. For me two weeks seemed like an eternity, like we had all this time in the world to do all the things we wanted and still have time to relax, but a week? One week.

He started telling me how we could make it work, relationship wise. He could come down one weekend and then I can go up and visit him the next. He said there are so many ways to stay connected without physically having to be close. This broke my heart, it truly did.

I am those people that needs attention to survive. Don’t get me wrong I’m not needy but I like to feel the person I’m with, I like to be next to them, I like our skins to be touching, I want to feel their warmed, I want to look them in the eyes and hold them. There is no technology that can replace a physical person.

Aside from all that, we meet new people in our life’s all the time. He’s going to be meeting new people for sure, new city, new job, new everything. I don’t want that in the back of my head. Always asking myself, who is he with? Who does he talk to? What is he doing? I can’t live that way. So I told him I couldn’t and I was sorry.

He started crying as did I. It was the hardest no I have ever said in my life. After our emotions were clearer we talked about just being friends, I know it sounds cheesy but that’s what we did. We talked about visiting each other and staying connected yes, but not in a relationship kind of way.

He’ll always be in my heart. I never connected with someone on the level that we did so I’m glad that he will stay in my life, and maybe is destiny and fate ever have a brunch date where they talk about us, maybe they’ll decide to put us on each others path again.

I Miss You Already

Love.

It never seems to happen at the right time for me. If it seems like there is something good going my way then bam¸ life wants to pry it out of my hands. And it happens every single dam time.

I met a guy yesterday. Yes, on an app, (shut your mouth and don’t you dare judge me). When he started talking to me it seemed that he wasn’t that into me. Then the conversation progressed ever so smoothly. Like we had known each other for a long time. We talked and and talked for hours without ever running out of things to say.

He asked me what I was looking for. I said maybe a friend or a relationship. I described to him what I felt and what I wanted. He really liked what I had to say. The only catch this time is that he is moving 6 hours away because of his job. New promotion.

Just my luck, when I find a cute guy that actually likes me back and is into me, he has to go and move away. The issues is that we really liked each other. So, I kindly accepted his jokingly invitation to go over, yolo right?

He really didn’t want me to go because he knew we would catch feelings for each other. And it turned out that we did, or at least I know I did. I went to his house and we talked for maybe an hour or so outside. We then went inside where we continued our coversation.

Again, talking to him was so easy, everything just came out of my mouth, my complete trust was his. We didn’t talk anything serious, just regular midnight talk. We even talked about the stars and what not, I know, very romantic. I felt like it was a fairytale, I was delighted.

Then we went to his room and just watched Netflix. Suddenly we are holding each other. I was glued to his body and he was to mine. The smell of his body made me float to cloud nine and I felt like I was untouchable. I felt like right there at that moment, I was finally living my dream. Like all the wars and battles I had to go through in my life were all worth it because they had all led me to that moment.

It was too good to be true and then I remembered he was leaving soon. I told him, “this seems like a movie. No, like a book. What would we call it?” He came up with really good names to name our future book. But then I said I Miss You Already. We settle on it without a second thought because it was such a heart breaking tittle.

Its sad but it is what is happening. I am falling for him, I know he is leaving, but yet I want more of him. My arms still smell like him. I can’t get his face out of my head, his lips and even the feeling of him holding me in his arms. The way he laughs and jokes around are all ingraved in my memory. Even his cute little cat, Jasper.

This definitely feels like one of those summer books I used to read about when I was younger. Boy meets boy, they fall in love and then one has to leave, then slam, broken hearts. But those always end with a happy heart warming ending right?

Will ours?

Strangers

I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but when lonely comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do except roll out the red carpet and let it in.

So two weeks ago I downloaded tinder. Don’t know why, ‘just cause’ could be a concrete answer really. Since I decided to give up on Love, I went the hoe route. Sleeping with random strangers.

In all honesty, no I don’t feel bad. When had a little fun hurt anyone? Ok maybe not the best example but still.

And hey, I work two jobs, pay all my bills and rent, take care of my family, put food in the fridge, and I’m generally a nice person. So who’s to say I can’t be a hoe once in a while? No one. You try to walk in my shoes see how long you last.

Along with being filthy, I’ve also been going out a lot. Getting closer with a friend. He doesn’t know I’m gay but that never comes up. Nor do I have the need to tell him . Does he know? Does it matter?

Any way this is my 100 post and I was going to do the whole thank you a and what I’ve learned about blogging but I’ll save that for later since I have to save time for hoeing around.

Dating

Dating. 

I have had my share of dates here and there but none of which have blossomed into healthy relationships. Probably the opposite . I’ve dated girls and boys, not bragging by the way. Although, I was wondering if it was time for me to jump in the pool again. Of course, by that I mean placing one toe in a few centimeters every minute or so. Like I said before, I’m not one to approach people and ask them out, so me making the first move would be so far fetched . 

In my first relationship I was young and didn’t know who I was yet. I was discovering myself. And I dated as the world had told me to. Boys date girls. It was a wonderful nonsexual relationship. We talked and had feelings for each other, as one does when one bonds and spends so much time with someone. But there was no physical attraction. 

After that I started to poke my nose in the “gay scene” more. I didn’t like it at all. Every app I had downloaded was all about sex. Sex sex sex. Nothing but sex. If you talked to a guy it was to find out who’s place the hook up would be at. Guys would only be interested in getting in your pants and not in your heart. Maybe I’m too over over romantic , or just a hopeless romantic period. 

Anyway, I dated guys here and there that didn’t seem to creepy and horny. It went well but I never found Mr. Right. Yes, ok, the guys I dated were charming and nice and what not, I mean I did chose to date them after all. But they weren’t what I wanted. Or what I needed. I have a complicated life so I need someone to be understanding and compassionate towards me. 

Which makes me wonder. I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. Is it time to go back? Or will my high standards never let me fall in love? Is my life just too complicated for just any one to handdle? Or am I just too dramatic? They say that there is a person out there for everyone, but maybe I am the only exception.

OMG! I’m fucking 23 for crying out loud