I Went Alone

Alone. No one wants to ever feel alone, or be left alone. Sure, there are times when you are in a room full of people and all you want for them is to just leave. I get that. But, even after a while by yourself, you will start feeling that feeling of wanting someone by your side. Or maybe you need the support and the extra courage you get when you are with someone else rather than when you are alone.

I was invited to this music festival a while back while I was walking my dogs. Some young girls maybe in their early twenties came up to my brother and I and gave us a flyer. It said ESCAPE on it. It only had the date, time, and address. So of course, it looked intriguing.

I was really looking forward to going. I told one of my friends that loves to go to raves, she said she would try but eventually she said she couldn’t make it. I was going to go with my brother originally but he said he didn’t want to go any more.

I went alone. I thought I was going to have fun, maybe meet new people and possibly make new friends. So I drove there but when I arrived it was a different story.

There were people there don’t get me wrong, it was only fifteen minutes into the festival. It was indoor, so I saw people walking in through the side door, I really wanted to go in. I just parked and stayed in my car. My social anxiety got the best of me once again.

It has been a while since I get anxiety like I got yesterday. I am usually open to try new things and get out of my comfort zone, but this time it was different. I just couldn’t muster up the courage to get out of my car and walk in there.

It surprised me, I have been more outspoken lately and more out there. So not being able to go to this alone was like a step back. Yes, life has been changing for me in the last couple of months, I lost a friend, my job is going through changes, and I have need stressed over my mom’s surgery. But I have always placed these things in the back of my head telling myself that everything is going to be ok.

Is it that my brain has fallen back again to my pessimistic ways? I won’t let that happen. The person I used to be was letting people walk all over me, that gave me such an awful life. Always sitting in the back seat, always waiting to be called. I can’t be like that, I have to break the mold. I will break the mold.

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Color Run 

            I went to my first color run today, and it was AWESOME!! It was really fun. I had very high hopes for it and they didn’t come up short. 

            I picked up Gabriel around seven in the morning. And we were on our way to Jarupa Park. I did have a little bit of nerves because I didn’t know what to expect. Sure color of course, but that’s about it. 

            The park itself was beautiful. It had a little lake and was way bigger than I anticipated. They had and RV parking and people were actually fishing. We registered and walked around for a bit, mostly talked about books that we are reading. 

            The first color that was thrown at us was green. Not my first choice but it was cool. Later came pink then orange, yellow, and blue. We ran the whole thing (3 miles) in 25 minutes. I wasn’t expecting it to end so soon but I guess we were full of excitement. 

            My shirt was full of color which looked amazing. My hair had some few drops of color here and there. At the end they had a DJ and we all threw our own colors in the air. I think that was my favorite part. 


            Over all it was a great experience and I can’t wait to do it again. It really did lift my spirt up and made me feel happy. It’s been a rough couple of months and to just let lose and go a little crazy felt really amazing. 


Don’t Give Up

            I feel like this long three-day weekend went by way to fast. I didn’t even get to do much. Time is slipping away from my fingers and I don’t know what to do about it.


            First, Saturday and Sunday I attended a Jehovah Witness assembly, (yes, I am JW). Shocking. It was titled, ‘Don’t Give Up’. It was actually pretty interesting. I do agree with most of the things they teach. They are good people. But some of the things, well mainly one, I can’t help but oppose. That’s a story for a differant day.

            Anyway, Saturday I needed to go buy something and so I checked my account and it had said that I had made purchases at three Circle K’s around town. Which I had not. I had to call my credit card and figure out what was going on. They told me I had to fax them proof that I was actually who I said I was. I did that the very next day (yesterday). Now I just have to ait for a call.

            Today, Memorial day, I went for an early run at Mount Rubidoux. The sun hadn’t come out too strong which let me stay out for a longer while. As I was climbing up I saw a colorful poster on a traffic sign. It was for a color run.

            I have always wanted to participate in one of those so I took a picture of the poster to sign up. My life hasn’t been in the happiest place recently so I thought this could help. Anything really, can actually help right now. I told a friend and he said he would do it.

            We researched what it was about and the money goes 100% to charity. The best part is that it is organized by Immigration Law Offices of Hadley Bajramovic. This made me extremely happy. The run supports diversity and unity in the community.

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So we signed up and are ready to have fun. Maybe life will treat me better if I have a new perspective about it? Who knows. I just can’t wait to get blasted by colors. I just wish this weekend was longer.

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Crazy Shit 

           There is a a lot of commotion going around at work today. It mainly had to do with what happened Tuesday. 

          While we were all on our first break. About six or five cop cars pulled up in the parking lot and arrested Tyler Montejano. He had just come back from two weeks of being absent because “his girlfriend’s father had past away.” 

          He was best friends with Larry, real name, Lawrence Lamberson. He worked with us and I got to know them pretty well. I knew that they had a passion for weed. Once, Larry  was talking about making money from selling some type of acid. 

          I really never hanged out with them at work unless I had to work along side them. In another ocasión, Tyler had told me that if he had to “sell pot for his kids to get a good education” that’s what he was going to do. I always thought these two were a odd pair, but never did I think that they would be up doing some crazy shit. 

          Yes, I did over hear them once in a while talk about drugs. Nothing really clear but I could tell that they were in to that sort of thing. That’s why I kept my distance. 

           What bugs me is that people here at work are going around saying how they were such great people and they were so kind and they didn’t deserve to got to jail. Are you fucking kidding me? I guess they were blind to see the truth.

         Tyler was a straight up asshole and Larry had one of the baddest tempers I knew. They were jerks and did the most they could to not do their work. For me they were annoying. 

         I knew them in a different way then everyone else did. Yes we all worked in the same building but they were in my department. 

           In the morning other people from my department were saying how unfair this was for him. Um, hello? If you fucking sell drugs and you get caught it’s unfair? No. They were saying how they hoped he would deny everything and just ask for his lawyer.  And get released. It’s so stupid. I’m so over it. 

          I feel bad for the kids but not for Tyler. He should have thought about what he was doing, not for him but for his kids. Now they have to see his father go to jail. It’s sucks, but if you did the crime now you have to do the time. 

Donnie Downer

So Journal,

Right after the Wallflower post, I got a call from a friend I have been ignoring because she is so happy about life and I honesty can’t stand that, (because obviously I hate life and black is my favorite color and I wake up to My Chemical Romance every day). -Not true-

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I told her everything I have been going through and she really did understand because she has kind of a similar back story that I do, that’s why we have maintained our friendship for so long. She basically told me to stop being a Donnie Downer (AKA the male version of Debbie Downer. She’s not wrong, I have been focusing on everything that is going bad in my life and that’s really not mentally healthy.

After telling me that I should be less bitchy about life in a nice way she really did help me feel better. The day after, (Friday) I was supposed to go to other friends house. I hadn’t seen these friends since Christmas because of their schedules. But it was raining so hard that I decided to call that off and just stay home in case, you know, we flooded and died. I’m scared to see them since we have grown apart since I quit my last job where I met them both. They still work there but I couldn’t stand it there so I quit.

Anyway, Saturday was fun! I got an oil change for my car and also went out to eat with the family at this cool taco place in Riverside call Tio’s Tacos. It’s a cool place with great food. The environment is really friendly and the way they used trash to make everything is really creative (the art not the food, yaa nasty). Sure, some of the things are freaky and border line creepy (like the dolls and stuffed animals hanging from the trees), but that’s what makes it unique and I just love that.

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I passed this place more than a couple of times until one friend took me there after her jury duty. It was nice, at the end of summer so super romantic. This time it was really peaceful and my mother really enjoyed it. My brother was the one that wanted to go to this other place closer to home because the “tacos are bigger there.” Which in his defense yes they probably are but I wanted a torta.

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Then we went widow shopping and another friend texted me to  hang out, (I know it sounds like I have a lot of friends but it’s just like two or four of them I swear and basically I only see them once a moth so calm down, I’m not a friend whore).

We ended up eating a full box of pop corn while watching Keeping Up With the JonesesIt’s a pretty funny movie. Really generic and cliché though. New neighbors move in, the most normal and boring neighbors are suspicious of them. Which later gets them in trouble by finding out their new neighbors are actually spies and they get involved in the mission.

Now, as the weekend is coming to an end I feel that it was a nice weekend. No one died, (yet). We have food in our fridge for now and a roof over our heads so I should be grateful for that. I appreciate what I have and I am thankful. Thank you God. (Or universe, higher power, faith and hope, or anything that was involved).

Tomorrow (after seven months) the company that I work for will finally hire me. So I will no longer be a temp, I will be a real associate. I will finally feel like I actually work there. Not to mention the ten-cent raise, yay. *Throws confetti in the air* I’ll let you know how it goes Journal, for now before I sleep I shall watch a couple of episodes of New Girl to cheer me up. She is my soul mate!

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2/19/2017