Work In Progress 

            I took a nap late in the afternoon and now I can’t sleep. So, hello Internet, what’s good? 

             Well, after last week I didn’t know if I would be going to work this week. (Immigration issues). I didn’t want to write about it until I knew I was for sure going to stay. I talked to Jose and he said all the paperwork was sent to HR and if it was important they would have responded so he’s just going to leave it like that. Better for me! 

             Plus, he said were not doing anything wrong. It’s not like it’s fraud or anything. My application was submitted, it was accepted, and now I just need my work permit to arrive. It’s taking awhile. Thanks Trump. *Rolls eyes* 

             Speaking of Jose I also talked to him about my moms surgery. Not a lot of people at work know about it. Just him my supervisor and a close coworker. It’s official. It will be June 27th.

             Yes, I’m nervous and scared but I’m hopping for the best. I asked for that day plus the rest of the week off. And seeing that July the Forth is the following Tuesday (and we have it off) I asked for Monday off as well. He said it was cool. He even asked if I needed more time off. I said that was enough, I do need to pay bills. We will have some help from family and friends. No doubt that this summer will be overwhelming to say the least but I just want my mom to get better. 

             I apologized to Gabriel for not going to his graduation party. He said it was ok, that there was no need to apologize. He knows me and knows that I’m not much of a talker. I have to trust and know you 100% to let my feelings out. Or else I’m the equivalent to a rock. Though, I need to stop doing that. Saying I’ll go somewhere and not show up. I should at least say something. Work in progress I suppose. 

             I have been watching a lot of videos about shin splints. (Leg injuries). I really want my legs to get better so I can continue to run. There is so much that has to do with your leg muscles and all that stuff. How to run right, step right, the right shoes, and even having sturdy hips. Who knew? I’ll work on it though. Need to get back to running as fast as I can. 

              I’ve also been working on some posts. Letters mainly. I can’t send them to the people that they are written for but I feel getting it out there is a start. Maybe someday I’ll tell them that I have a blog? I have also been working on my own story. Mainly like a miniseries of posts about my main struggles. It’s dark and it’s taking me a while. But I feel good after it’s out there, written down and I’m not carrying it with me. Make sense? Maybe. But for now I shall sleep.

Good night Internet. 
              

             

A Loser Like Me

Dear Journal,

     This weekend went just as I had planed it would be! I went out, had fun, and fell in love! Just kidding. None of that really happened (and never will to be brutally honest). What actually happened isn’t that much of an excitement. Kind of a “meh” weekend. I wouldn’t say it was bad either, I mean I didn’t die (although I wouldn’t necessarily consider that bad).  *Insert thinking emoji here*

     Last weekend I finish the series Lost on Netflix. It’s a great show but the ending sucks (FYI). One of my favorites of all time, but as I finished it, my anxiety of what I was going to binge on next grew on me. Out of all the options I chose Glee. I know gaaaay. (Its okay, I can say that). *Flips hair in a sassy motion*

     Back when the show premiered on TV I was a huge fan but I lost touch when other circumstances in life came around. (“Adulting”). Now that I have the chance I can watch the whole series and I’m proud to say that in a week I have caught up pretty well. I’m currently  on season three, episode five. (Wait should I be proud of that?)

     Anyway Journal, Saturday night I decided to watch a scary movie, since in fact it is my favorite genre in film (or so I thought). I hadn’t seen a scary/horror movie in a while, months maybe! That’s just not like me, I live to be terrified. To not know whats coming next, get goose bumps on my skin, a shiver down my back, and jump when things come out of no where. That’s my thing!

     So I put on a movie that I found that had good reviews. In short it was about a psychologist who gets brutally attacked by one of her patients, witnesses her death, and is brutally scared. She takes a two-year break and comes back well and better than ever until a patient that was brutally scared from a fire or something brings back the memory of the dead girl, (literally).

     Twenty minutes in I fell asleep. I was so mad. I don’t fall asleep through movies like that not even when I’m sleep deprived. So I asked my self, was it not that good of a movie as I thought it was going to be? Or, was I just too sleepy to continue before it had the chance to grab my attention?  

     To put these theories to the test I decide to watch Bates Motel. It’s basically the life of Normal Bates before he became Psycho. It’s a real thriller/dark kind of show. But as I watched it I saw that I was trying too hard to pay attention. In the past seasons I was hooked in the first two minutes of any episode.

     So I ask, what is wrong with me? Did I suddenly change? Why has my love for horror vanished? The only logical and scientific conclusion I can come up with is that my life is already a horror movie of its own and it has to many thrills (not generally in a good way). That the ones on a screen don’t entertain me as much. For example, I have so many things to worry about, work, my family, health, the crazy guy who’s in office, and so many more things that, sitting down and watching someone terrorize people or trying to solve a mystery before it plays out is just not as fun anymore.

     I have concluded that I can only watch comedies or comedy related melodramas. The world is already filled with dark things and to be watching more makes my life so depressing. I need more fun in my life, more laughter. The world we live in today is so dark. Watching The Office and Parks & Rec made me laugh and made me feel good. I don’t know about anyone else but I like feeling good, so now all that’s left to do is find a show that makes me smile and laugh. In the mean time I will be listening to Loser Like Me by the cast of Glee on a continuous loop, thank you very much. (It’s been in my head all weekend).

1/29/2017