Not Bad News

Ok, so here's the sitch, I went to work today feeling like I was the king of the world. But can you blame me? I was the only one up for a promotion and I really thought I was going to get it, I didn't. But before you go on and say hot dam another depressing post, hold your horses because it's not one.

The position hasn't been filled yet, that's only because they want to move her (the girl who doesn't want it anymore) to a different department, but moving her they have to move someone else. Why do companies do that? Every little change affects them in some way. Which is mostly every occasion.

Want to make a change? How much money will it cost? What to fix a problem? How much money will it cost? I feel that they are looking at it all wrong but what ever. Form what I hear on the street the job is mine. It's looking for an new spot for her that's the problem.

So you see? Not bad news, just regular news. I'm getting better at this optimistic thing don't you think?


My weekend wasn't that bad either. Went to work and then grocery shopping. Found out our food stamps card has been cut off. And instead of fighting for it I said fuck it. Yes we will struggle for a month or so but with the new promotion (fingers crossed) hopefully it will help.

After that I reluctantly bought a exercise bike. It was on sale so I had to get it. The neighbors stupid dog still won't shut up so I have to find other ways to keep my hot smoking body in shape lol what body?

My Sunday was bland. I pretty much organized my room and I filed some mail that had been sitting on that chair that I know all y'all have. You know. That chair you have in your room to "sit" on but you only use it as something to place things on. Like clothes or books even things who have no intention of putting away.

Anyway of topic sorry . I am working on my other blog and it's coming along good. Hopefully I can publish it soon. I'm excited. Other than that life's a bit boring. So bye FeliCa.

Even Though I Don’t Have A Life, I Like To Pretend I Do

Just when I thought I was having writers block aka my life was hella boring and nothing was going on that was of such importance for me to be blogging about it, in walks Life and says, "lol just kidding."

Well technically there hasn't been literally nothing going on because in that case I would be dead. I guess you could say I've just been really lazy. Well mostly tired. I worked almost 60 hours for three weeks straight and it got to me a little. I even think I gained back some weight and I have to say I'm not too happy about that, correction, I'm not happy at all about that.

The thing is that our neighbors dog is the devil. No joke. He. Is . Satan. I never thought he would reincarnate in animal again but I mean he's done that before and now he's out to get me. Why? Well I usually get up every morning before work and jog in our back yard since it's big enough. And of course I'm not going to go out in the street. Not in this neighborhood. So, he's just been barking at me like I'm some kind of burglar or something. Like, dude I'm just trying to get my physical on. You know?

He didn't comprehend that. It's weird he was never doing that before but all of the sudden I'm his number one target. It's been three days and I even told my mom I was going to buy an elliptical or a fan bike, just something so I could get my cardio in without bothering the spawn of Satan. And I don't want to file a noise complaint because I don't want trouble, I avoid conflict at all cost, so no thanks bye.

Anyway, now on to the juicy news that actually made me right this post. Promotion. Yaaas gurl you heard it right. For me. Well it's a big maybe, but still. My lead asked me if I wanted to move departments and work as a Sales Bom Tasker. The tittle includes, printing labels for boxes, reboxing, and I think that's pretty much it. Oh, plus a dollar raise. It's really simple. Here's the catch. I would have to work eight to ten hours a day. Not bad, but the start time is six in the morning. Meaning I would be out of work late. And even though I don't have a life, I like to pretend I do so I talked to the supervisor and told him I'd do it if they would let me start at four AM. He said he didn't see a problem but he would still have to run it by the General Manager.

In all honesty. I really do want it. I was looking for a part time job in the afternoon anyways. With a dollar raise and a little more hours it's like a gift from God basically. How can I not take it? What if he says that I have to start at six? That's going to suck because I really want to start at four. Still, just getting the job is a plus. It's moving up.

I talked to my lead about it. She said she threw my name out there because she knew I wanted to move up and it's perfect for me. And ahem it's the only name that was brought up so yeah soak that in. I told her I was actually waiting for her position, but she said what if I didn't get it? I mean this Tasker job is being handed right to me, it wasn't going to be that easy for the inventory lead. Plus she told me that her job is not one to desire. It's stressful and you have to deal with bitchy Anna. And it has more responsibilities and I would be paid the same. So now my head is all over the place.

I told my mom about it as well and she agreed it was a good idea. Wouldn't have to look for a second job. But dam, working ten hours a day. I mean it's possible. The thing is who would pick up my brother from school? Well, is it greedy if I say that I'm the one paying the bills and I'm the one who has to look out for the finances in this house hold? I think not. He's seventeen years old he should get it together learn how to drive and get a license. And a job while he's at it. But who knows.

Will I take the promotion? Will I start at four or six? Will my neighbors dog ever shut the fuck up? Guess we'll find out soon.

Life Is Hectic

I have been in a good mood lately. And if you know me you might even say great mood. Things have been all over the place but they haven't been that terrible. I have to start looking at the bigger picture you know. I'm always seeing the down side in things and that just brings me down. I should really start focusing on the positive and give thanks for what I have and what I have accomplished. Possibly even brag a little of what I have done, I mean I deserve to right?

Now, onto my moms results, I got a call from the doctor and she informed me that the test was never made and she ordered it as an emergency. Which usually takes about ten or so days. Hopefully sooner and we can get this ball rolling. But I'm thankful the problem is being resolved. It's progress.

Three months ago I had 300 dollars stolen from my credit card and it's been a hassle trying to fix the issue with the bank of the credit card. And after moths of faxing paperwork and trying to get my money back today was the day of success. They fixed the issue and I should get those 300 bucks back by next Wednesday. Maybe that's why I'm in a good mood?

Today I went to my sixth treatment for my tattoo removal. It hurt like a bitch! I mean it always does but I forget. They had a knew laser. Something about heat. The one I was using before was also a laser but it was different. My tattoo is being stubborn. It doesn't even seem to be fading. Props to the tattoo artist. Respect. So children if you get tattoos remember it's going to be a pain in the ass removing them once you regret it.


I know it looks terrible but that's how it's supposed to look like, all swelled up and nasty.

In other news, yesterday I went to apply to a customer service operator job. One of my coworkers used to work there and she said she could refer me to the manager. That was cool of her. Although they aren't hiring at the moment they said they would call me first as to when they would start.

But get this, I got called from Bakers (fast food chain) for an interview. Torn, because I don't know if I should go or not. I don't know until when I'll be called for the answering service job. What if it's months? Weeks? I need a job now. I'm going to go and see how it goes.

I also told my brother to start studying for the DMV written test, mainly so he could drive to school but also so he can get motivated to get a job and help around the house. It seemed to work as he's studying right now and I didn't have to force him. School starts for him two weeks from today so I know he's not going to have a license by then but hopefully soon.

That's all that went down this week. Life is hectic, why should I stay in a rut? I'm going to start seeing the best of things, just watch.

Go Fund Me

          In the looks of money shortage I have decided to start a Go Fund Me account. It wasn’t an easy decision. I am one of those people that doesn’t like to ask for help. Not because I am full of pride and what not, but because I don’t want to be dead weight on someone. I don’t want to seem like I am burden on someone. But things are complicated right now.

          My moms surgery turned out to be successful and things are looking great for her. Yes we’re still having trouble with the insurance again, and this time for the oncologist. Granted we were having trouble with them since the beginning. For instance, they are charging us the first appointments we went to back in March and April which some up to the hundreds. Things are hard as it is and with bills being pilled up on top just makes everything even more stressing.

          Yesterday my dog past away which just added more grief to the already huge mountain we have. I created this Go Fund Me account a while back a couple of weeks before we knew that my mom had breast cancer. I never published it or shared it because I was scared to. What would people say? How would I look? Like a failure? Like someone who couldn’t keep it together? These thoughts pushed me back and I thought I could do it on my own, but it seems like I can’t.

          I have been at my lowest for a while and I just need a little help getting back up. You don’t need to donate if you don’t want to, some words of encouragement will go a long way as well. Either way thank you.

 

 
 

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Pointless 

            This week has been full of emotions. I wish I could say good ones but life has taught me other wise. And with my feet not letting me run just makes me more depressed. 

             Monday wasn’t too bad. I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary happening that day. All except Jose, Human Resources substitute, told me that they need my I-9 form (employment eligibility). I haven’t received anything from immigration. I called them Wednesday, asking what’s going on. I guess they are backed up. I also couldn’t get an extension. So basically tomorrow my permit expires. I won’t be illegal though since my application is submitted, I just can’t work. 

Which is just as horrible. No work no money. And with my mom having cancer and all it’s just all so stressful. 

            I gave my receipts that I got from immigration to Jose as proof that I wasn’t lying that I did everything and now am just waiting for the card in the mail. So he said he would run that through the HR manager and see if I could still work. He never called me back. So I don’t really know if I should show up on Monday. It would be embarrassing to just go and then be asked to leave. 

            The drive home from work yesterday was very emotional. I couldn’t hold in my tears. Thinking of how we were going to go on in life. How unfair life is. Cancer, no job, no money, then what the fuck am I suppose to do? Once I got home I cleared my tears and walked in the door like nothing had happened. Told my mom that I really didn’t know what was going on, if they would let me work or not. 

             Later in the evening our landlord and his wife came over and talked about our situation. He said we wouldn’t have to pay next months rent. That helps a lot. 

            Still, no call from Jose. I’m starting to think he just doesn’t know how to tell me that I can’t go back. I understand though. 

             I hate life. I really do. I wish I could be more positive and look on the bright side or beyond some things but it’s so fucking hard. I look both ways and all I see is pain. Why? It’s getting really tiring. Even talking about it, writing about it, doesn’t even help. It’s pointless. Everything is pointless. 

            Elizabeth group messaged Jennifer and I on Snapchat. Something about best friends day. Jennifer suggested we go to her house and hang out. Seeing as I haven’t seen her in  four months I couldn’t. I really wish they knew what was going on, and even if they didn’t at least pretend that they care. I miss them. 

            Now I have no clue what we will do to survive. How will we pay bills? How will we buy food? How will I take my mom for her surgery, and chemo treatments? How will we pay rent? How will we ever get by?