I feel that I am a good person. At least, comparing myself to a lot of people, I know I am. But sometimes I feel that I could be a much better person. I try my best to be nice and kind and treat others the way I would have wanted to be treated in their shoes. And even though it’s said that ‘what goes around comes back around’ I feel that only applies to the bad. For example, hurt someone and then you will get hurt in the future. But then again you could also say it’s Karma. Bad Karma good Karma, I have no clue. But I’ve done good and not revived as much good back.
Anyway, one of my friends went to his college orientation yesterday and he had to spend the night there. It was a two day event to get to know the campus and what not. This is where I get mad. This is where I ramble on about how life sucks for me. And in all honesty. It does.
He messaged me yesterday morning and he sounded like it was a pain in the ass to go. I was like dude, you have the opportunity to go to college fully paid in one of the best countries in the world and get a good education and make something out of yourself and your complaining? I swear if he would have been right in front of me I would have slapped him right in the face.
I feel like in these situations I have the full right to be jealous. Like I have the up most authority. Why? Well , he has a home, he doesn’t have to work, his college is paid for, and let alone that he’s is going to college period. Fuck yes I’m jealous! Or maybe I’m confusing my jealousy with anger?
Am I angry? It is a possibility. He is so ungreatfull. I’m fighting and clawing my way through life and he’s chilling and complaining? What kind of a friend is that? He’s privlaged. Way too privlaged. Never had to think about the future because it was simply just given to him. Everything he’s ever wanted just has always been there. He hasn’t ever needed anything because he has always had everything.
I was thinking the other day. And it’s kind of funny. I thought, what the fuck did I do in my past life to get stuck in this crappy one. It just came right out of the blue. But I mean it. I see bad things happen to good people. And I see bad people with all their success. Like, Karma, dude you’re failing me! I’ve been nothing but good in this life and it seems I’m In a never ending bad spiral. It’s annoying, just saying.
Will I tell my friend how I feel? Of course not. That would only cause more drama. I’ll just keep it to myself because I’m such a peace maker and I’ll talk to him like normal and whatever. But I’ll keep my space. It’s only a matter of time before he thinks highly of himself and leaves me behind in the gettho while he’s off making millions in who knows where doing who knows what, but that’s just the way it is. Welcome to life.