Monsters 

I’m sorry Journal,  

      I have been neglecting you. I want to give you an excuse and say I have been too busy, and even though that’s almost true, I really just have been putting you off. It’s really hard to be focused right now. With all my moms appointments and medical things to get ready for the surgery, from my documents on my immigration, and not to mention work. 

      First, my mom is trying to switch to a surgen she was referred to. She didn’t like the one she got. But the one that she got assigned to is the only one the insurance will cover. So now we have to go insurance hunting to see which one will cover the surgen she wants. 

       Today I went to get my fingerprints taken. No haven’t killed anyone (yet) but I guess it’s always safe to check. Everything with that went really smoothly. Fast and swell. Hopefully my work permit also comes in that fast. 

       As for work. Well there is not much I can say. There hasn’t been any new info. Although these past weeks I have been working a little over forty hours which I want to use as an excuse to say I’m tired. Today my boss mention to me before I left that, the company wants us to go in on saturdays. Yay for inventory. But I shouldn’t be sour about it. I do need the money. More than I would like to admit.  

        I hate money. I hate how it uses people. I hate how people use it. I hate how it turns people into monsters. This world is help up on money. Sad. That’s a topic for another day though. 

       Anyway, that’s pretty much it. I’ve been reading a lot of books lately, maybe I’ll get a chance to talk about them.

 

4/6/2017

My Little Red Friend

We have problem Journal,

      We’ll two if you want to be technical. Cold sores. I have had this problem since I was in the first grade so don’t go making any funny or dirty jokes (or both). A cold sore is a bunch of (motherfucking) blisters bunched up together (to ruin your life just by sitting) on your lip that are more than noticeable. It tingles on your lips but you know if you scratch even the slightest that (bitch of a) blister will only grow.
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      It had to come at the worst of times. No, I’m not meeting anyone new and no, I’m not doing anything special. But then again, who sits around thinking, “oh hey, I haven’t had a cold sore in a while, I think its about time.”

      I put medication on it to try to heal it as fast as I can. I had to go to work regardless. Even though it was pretty noticeable no one said anything! Honestly, that was really surprising. Some of my coworkers are extremely outspoken and have an opinion about every single little thing, yet no one said anything about the volcanic eruptions going on in the corner of my mouth.
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      I’m pretty sure everyone noticed, and maybe it was uncomfortable that they say something? That’s possible. (even though they aren’t really that nice, if at all). Maybe when it heals they’ll ask what happened to my little red friend. How embarrassing.

      Anyway, before I finish Journal, I wanted to also inform you something about my “friends”. I posted something on social media (like I do). Later that night they spammed the group messages with memes and pics about missing each other and what not. One of them sent a pic of her new cat. I asked if it was hers, and she replied with yes, obviously. She got it a month ago. I new but i was acting.

      After I stopped replying so did they. I hate how I have to keep them connected. Why do I have to be the center of our friendship? I cant right now, I’m not strong enough. They don’t even have the balls to demand to know what the fuck is going on in my life but yet they want to send funny pics and laugh. Well fuck them, right? Maybe I’m to harsh but that’s how I feel and I cant change my feelings because that’s what they are, feelings.
3/8/2017

Modern

Dear Journal,

          After many failed attempts to have a physical journal, I’m trying something new. (Very modern, I know). But all the journals I have had before have mysterious disappeared and are nowhere to be found. I like keeping a journal because it allows me to not only keep the memories of the day or of events fresh in my mind, but also to look back at them in the future. Plus I’m not very loud, or outspoken but in my journal I can say anything.

          In my past journals, (may they rest in peace), I would write every single day. I remember I would get home and right until my fingers would fall off. Everything that was written down was in a vivid description with very specific details. I never liked leaving out anything, and if I did I would say it on another day. It was actually pretty stress relieving and relaxing. It was a way to get everything out so I wouldn’t carry it with me.

          To be completely honest I’m not sure what I will do with this Blog/Journal. Hell, I don’t know what I’ doing with my life so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But I will write as much as I can, when I can. (We’ll see how that goes).

 Like today, (I work at a Motor Parts warehouse, I know glamorous), my day started really well. At our pre-shift or “before work meeting” I was given a shout out where everyone clapped for me because I was simply such a good worker. Not bad. The day was going by so fast until some coworker said how shy I was. I know that doesn’t bother much people but for me it did. I know, I’m shy, my face floods with blood-red when ever I’m the center of attention. I hate that. I don’t have a valid reason why I do but it just bothers me.

          I don’t want to be shy! I wish I was more outspoken. Don’t get me wrong but if I have something to say I will say it but that only happens every once a million years. Anyway, later our Inventory Manager, (I’m in the inventory department), bought us pizza. Take in mind that there was about nine of us in the room and they are people I have known for about seven months now, I was the only one who only spoke two sentences in the span of forty-five minutes.

          I didn’t notice of course, until our Manager said, “Pedro, why are you so quiet?” Once my face deflated from the red all I could say is “I’m always quiet.” Not the best response but it worked. I hate that though why can’t I act like a normal person and have normal conversations with people who aren’t even strangers? The pizza was good though, so that’s that.

          One of my friends invited me to go out tonight but I’m broke so I said no, she just texted me right now but I haven’t looked at my phone. Half scared half guilty I guess. It’s just going to be another Netflix Binge watching weekend for me. If any characters come out of my screen I’ll be sure to inform you.

                                                                                                                                                              1/28/2017