I’m sitting here in a room I don’t want to be in. Tapping on keys and looking into a computer when I could instead be having fun with my best friend. It’s The Weekend. It’s the time where everyone should be out having fun. Doing important things with family. Spending time with people that actually mean something, not sitting in room full of nobodies.
I could literally get up, grab my things, and leave and never come back. This is my second job. I got this job to help me out with the bills. But is it worth it? I ask myself every time I come here. Is it worth the stress? Is it worth the time I miss out with family and friends?
It’s frustrating going back and forth in what I want. Do I want to be here? Do I need the money? What will happen when I quit?
When I first go here today I put it in my head that tomorrow I wasn’t going to show up. I wasn’t going to show up, call, or do anything. I was so mind set into just abandoning this job. But now, as I think more rationally, I find it hard to believe I could do that.
Is it bad? Or is it spontaneous? Will it affect me later? I don’t know. I just know that I need to stop. Working two jobs, paying bills, being The Man, is really fucking tiring. Can I take anymore of it? I’m not happy. I want to be happy. And as funny as it sounds, not working makes me happy.
Change is good. I like change. But what happens when the change turns your world upside down? When you get stuck in the moment and have to realize what’s going on before you can take that one step in the right direction.
I work in logistics. In simple terms, a Warehouse. It’s not glamorous. But it’s not a piece of shit place either. I like it. Not small but not too big. I like what I do.
I was just recently promoted to a position that has more responsibilities but isn’t too complicated or stressing. Everything was working out fine. But business is business. It’s cut throat or get cut. Live or die. And I’ve been dying.
Today they moved someone from another department to mine. And recently they brought in a supervisor form another site in to mine as well. Both will be training to be my bosses.
How do you train someone to be your boss? It’s not fair. Why can’t I just have the position. Or why didn’t they just leave the guy where he was. Everything was cool. Everything was fine.
Now it’s not.
My mind switches sides from teaching them everything I know to trying to keep things to myself to still be valuable. Because once everyone knows what you know who’s to say they they still need you? You are replaceable by the snap of a finger.
Business is business. I shouldn’t take things personal. This is the way it usually works. When it’s not you it’s someone else. Life isn’t fair. Do I have to lie to make my way through life? Are there things I’m doing wrong? Friends I do not have in high places? Asses that aren’t being kissed?
Well, excuse me but I don’t play fake. I don’t play games. I don’t beg.
Let my work speak for itself, and they can’t hear it. I’ll find someone who will.
I made it out alive this week! Even though it was tough week I still made it out feeling satisfied. Friday was very stressful and I have to vent, so I’m sorry but here it is.
Since the department that sends things out at work is really heavy with orders, management decided to make everyone else do four hours of over time to help them out. Since I have another job I chose to two hours one day and the other two on a different day.
Friday was one of those days. And I was so tired from the whole week, like I had been sleeping four hours a day. I asked my lead if it was ok to go home after my eight hours. She said no, and them she asked our manager and apparently he also said no.
This pissed me off so much because she gets treated like a queen and no one says anything. Plus she had left early two weeks ago along with someone else on our department.
There is so much favoritism at this work place that I can’t stand it. So now, I’m done giving my all, I’m finished doing all the dirty work for them. I am the one that does the most in that department and I’m done being taken advantage. I’m finished being the nice guy.
This is all part of the new me. And its not my fault, this is what they made me do.
I am tired as hell! I never thought working two jobs would make me feel this exhausted. And it’s my first week! But, on the plus side the days do go by faster, although that can also be looked as a bad thing seeing I’m wasting my young precious life slaving away to for Man.
So I wake up everyday at 5 in the morning. Get ready for my first job (which is full time) and get there at 6AM. I leave from there when I’m off at 2:30PM.
After that I have limited time to eat, change clothes, and drive to work and arrive at 4PM. At that job I’m there until 10 which is a total of 6 hours. For now, that’s my schedule but it could all change.
Anyway I get home at around 10:30 and get things ready for the next day. So I’m in bed by 11PM to restart the whole cycle again.
Hope this wasn’t too boring, like who wants to know what people do?
Basically I have time to do nothing. Even though this could be very stress full, I’m trying to stay polite and remind myself that’s it’s all for my mom. (And kind of for my self, don’t judge me!) Keeping a positive attitude helps a lot. Even when times are tough.
This weekend I am off from both jobs and I’m catching up with a friend who went to Alaska in the summer. Not because she wanted to see it but she went for a work. She’s back and I can’t wait to see her.
Later on that day it sure yet to what I will be doing but pretty sure I’ll be doing something.
I got the job! Well let me explain. Should have written this before buuuuut. Anyway I had an interview at a answering phone service and they really liked me, like really liked me. I think I was possessed by a charming charismatic ghost because I blew them away.
I think it’s a new me. It’s time for a new me. Hey if Taylor Swift can reinvent herself and come back like the bad ass that she is why cant I? I think that’s my new gaol.
Be more outspoken, more spontaneous, louder, be less timid. I am an incredible person inside and I feel like the world should see that. Although, yes, it will take time to develop the skills and all but I know I can accomplish it. Watch me.
In other news. My typing is getting better. Also one more week to Sequoia and I’m freaking the fuck out! I know I say how much I want to go and it’s getting repetitive and all and it’s all true like I can’t stop thinking about it. I wish that I could stay longer there and see more because one day won’t be enough but I will make the most of it.
Earlier today, my uncle and aunt came to visit from out of town. They are from my dads side of the family but they still really care about my mom, and us. They came to see how she was doing with the whole cancer thing. And she’s actually doing great. They just left a while ago. They took us out to eat and it was delicious. Sizzler.
Any who I feel like I haven’t been on here for years and I hate that. What’s going to happen when I start my second job? Well, I make time for it for sure, because I love writing. Wow this post is all over the place it doesn’t even make sense. K bye.