I Hate How Some Gays Act Like Girls

Date from hell.

That’s the only way I can describe the date I went to this past Friday night. No, nothing really happened in the aspect of weird scenarios, but the fact that the guy was just so closed minded and difficult make me cringe just at the thought of remembering it.

I had been talking to him for a little over two weeks and he seemed like a really nice person. But messaging someone is so different from actually talking to them face to face. I was excited to meet him, I really liked him and he was actually pretty cute.

All of those perceptions of him changed once he started opening his mouth. I picked him up because he doesn’t drive (that’s like a bad start already). He had me waiting an hour because he wasn’t even ready. We were going hiking, what did he need to get ready for? It’s just a hiking.

We ate pizza and he paid for it saying he was sorry he made me wait a while. He told me that his nephew had just lost his cat and he didn’t want to leave him alone. Yet his mom was there to take care of him.

Anyway, meanwhile on the way to the hike, it starts going south and that’s when I got that guy feeling that I wasn’t going to like him. I’m not sure what started it all but he came out saying he didn’t like drag queens. He said he respects them but he doesn’t understand them or know why they have to do what they do. Ok I let that one slide. Some people just don’t like the things you do and that’s ok we can all be different.

But then he says he doesn’t classify with the gay community and he doesn’t think they have helped him in any way, shape, or form. Now, I’m not a crazy gay community fanatic. I’m not waiving my rainbow flag in your face or shoving my rights down your throat, but I do appreciate what te gay community has done for me.

Because of the gay community I am more accepted by others, I have the choice to get married if I wanted to, and even though there still is discrimination there is way less than how it used to be. I am more free because of the gay community. Because of their protects, because of their parades and exposure people have grown to accept the gay community. Sure not everything is represented accurately but I’m not gonna sit here and deny that they have helped me.

He also said he doesn’t want to be a cliche. Ok, sure that’s understandable. But if you follow that up with “I hate how some gays act like girls, if I wanted to be with a girl I’d date a girl.” You fall in that category of gays who hate other gays.

I understand we all have our likes and dislikes, like I said before that’s great that’s fine, we are all different. But why does hate have to come into play? Why do you have to broadcast it in such a way that makes you sound like you’re putting them down?

To make matters worse, while hiking he says he was straight before and he had crushes on girls but they never paid attention to him so now that’s why he’s gay. *insert face slap emoji here* This dude either has issues with his sexually or just flat out does not want to be gay. Something must have happened in his life to make his views on being gay so terrible.

Don’t get me wrong, I myself for the longest time denied to be gay. But I wasn’t out there telling the world I was straight. I always tell people I wanted to be straight. But there was never one point in my life wheee I actually felt straight.

Through our time that we had been in communication he had told me that guys never return his calls or never want to go in a second date with him. I didn’t understand that because he was a nice looking guy. He seemed sweet, but he’s rotten form the inside with his closed up mind and thoughts.

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I Miss You Already

Love.

It never seems to happen at the right time for me. If it seems like there is something good going my way then bam¸ life wants to pry it out of my hands. And it happens every single dam time.

I met a guy yesterday. Yes, on an app, (shut your mouth and don’t you dare judge me). When he started talking to me it seemed that he wasn’t that into me. Then the conversation progressed ever so smoothly. Like we had known each other for a long time. We talked and and talked for hours without ever running out of things to say.

He asked me what I was looking for. I said maybe a friend or a relationship. I described to him what I felt and what I wanted. He really liked what I had to say. The only catch this time is that he is moving 6 hours away because of his job. New promotion.

Just my luck, when I find a cute guy that actually likes me back and is into me, he has to go and move away. The issues is that we really liked each other. So, I kindly accepted his jokingly invitation to go over, yolo right?

He really didn’t want me to go because he knew we would catch feelings for each other. And it turned out that we did, or at least I know I did. I went to his house and we talked for maybe an hour or so outside. We then went inside where we continued our coversation.

Again, talking to him was so easy, everything just came out of my mouth, my complete trust was his. We didn’t talk anything serious, just regular midnight talk. We even talked about the stars and what not, I know, very romantic. I felt like it was a fairytale, I was delighted.

Then we went to his room and just watched Netflix. Suddenly we are holding each other. I was glued to his body and he was to mine. The smell of his body made me float to cloud nine and I felt like I was untouchable. I felt like right there at that moment, I was finally living my dream. Like all the wars and battles I had to go through in my life were all worth it because they had all led me to that moment.

It was too good to be true and then I remembered he was leaving soon. I told him, “this seems like a movie. No, like a book. What would we call it?” He came up with really good names to name our future book. But then I said I Miss You Already. We settle on it without a second thought because it was such a heart breaking tittle.

Its sad but it is what is happening. I am falling for him, I know he is leaving, but yet I want more of him. My arms still smell like him. I can’t get his face out of my head, his lips and even the feeling of him holding me in his arms. The way he laughs and jokes around are all ingraved in my memory. Even his cute little cat, Jasper.

This definitely feels like one of those summer books I used to read about when I was younger. Boy meets boy, they fall in love and then one has to leave, then slam, broken hearts. But those always end with a happy heart warming ending right?

Will ours?

I Hope You Find Your Peace

Last week a coworker was making a joke that if I was to be looked for I would surely be found in the “ladies room.”

At first this did not phase me. I did not care. But then something happened. I usually leave a note of when I leave my desk, so it is easier for people to locate me. It usually reads “If you are looking for Me he is in X location.” I came back from my break and found it saying “if you are looking for Me she is in the ladies room.”

I’ve been bullied my whole life and never found a way to stand up for myself. One of my coworkers saw it and took it straight to my supervisor. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, scared that people would see this and then question my sexuality.

Today Human Resources called two of my coworkers to make a statement. Then he was called also to the office where he admitted to writing those things right before being terminated.

I don’t wish him bad. I actually wish it goes well for him. I wish him good luck. I just hope he learns from this. I hope that one day when some one is doing the same thing he did to me he is the one that stand up for them. I hope he finds his peace.

I am great full for the people who stood up for me. I hope they get blessed for this. It taught me that there are good people out there and that some of them actually do care.

If you’re out there struggling with someone who is bullying you, and just like I is too scared to speak up, find someone who can help you. Find someone who loves you and will take care of your sometimes we can’t ourselves because of the oppressor. But if we don’t stop them now, when will we?

Listen Here You Motherfucking Inconsiderate Bigot

It’s 2018 in case you hadn’t noticed. Discrimination and hate are still thriving and it looks like it’s only going south.

I’m gay. I’ve always known. I don’t come off as gay. Maybe one you get to know me you’ll ask yourself, maybe he is or isn’t? But what is it to you? Unless you want to ask for my number and ask me on a date or have someone in mind for me to date, what good is it for you to know my sexuality?

Let say you know what my sexuality is. Are you going to use that as a joke to make other people laugh? Are you going to make me feel bad for it? Ashamed? Are you going to make my work environment hostile? Will I wake up every morning not wanting to go to work afraid of the new joke you’ll have to make everyone else crack up along with you?

Well listen here you motherfucking inconsiderate bigot. You hurt my feelings for the last time. You made me doubt my sexuality and even my life for the last time. Because of your intolerance and prejudice I have suffered for too long and this time I’m speaking out. I’m not letting you win.

Full Disclosure, I’m Married

I’m falling for someone I know I shouldn’t.

It’s so easy to say. But it’s so hard to just say so with that being said I’m going to move on. Impossible, your heart wants what it wants even when it’s so wrong.

Let me elaborate.

Maybe about two months or so ago I downloaded an app called Whisper, it’s an application where you can post a picture with a quote on it. The quote can be anything you want it to be.

I mainly used the app for expression. Some assholes always just wanted to trade naked pics. It was such a drag. So then I wondered, what if there is some out there? Someone in my situation?

What did I do? I posted about what I was going through to see if anyone would see it. Someone did. It was shady at first because how can some be exactly like me? I felt alone in this world and now here there was a guy telling me he felt the same way.

We messaged each other for ever and once he sent me a picture of what he looked like I was hooked. Plus, him complimenting my looks was such a nice boost of self esteem for me. I don’t get that often and it’s nice when I do.

Talking and talking led to me asking him to move the convos over to a more personal way of communication for us millennials, Snapchat.

Once we started talking he said, “full disclosure, I’m married.”

My heart broke in two pieces. How could he have just done that to me? Make me believe that he liked me and I was warming up to him, and then drop a bomb like that? What about her? Yes her.

Turns out he’s “bisexual.” Now my brain is so confused. I found a guy who understands exactly what i am going through. And he really likes me. But the whole situation is insane.

What do I do? Do I just stop talking to him? Is he confused and just wants to use me to spend the time? He hasn’t been inappropriate. What are his intentions? I mean he did tell me straight up that he was married. Not straight straight up because he did wait some time but still.

I’ve already started to like him. A lot.