I Never Told You, I Just Held It In

             I just came back from the park. I had a nice little walk and a great big talk with an old friend. Turns out she wasn’t that mad I got really distant with her. I still blame myself because I could have told her what was going one. That’s not like me though.

            It seems that life is treating her really well and I’m happy for her. I wish and hope it stays that way. She wants to lose weight and I hope she achieves her goal. And again, it was really nice talking with her. It had been months since we had seen each other and we live in the same city.

           I did tell her about my mom. She hugged me with tears in her eyes, and as much as I also wanted to burst out in tears as well I held it in because I have already cried enough, and I’m not much for crying in front of people. She’s so sweet. I wonder if our friendship can recuperate after such a long time apart. I really do love her and care about her so I hope she feels the same way. I miss her still.

           I honestly do not know what the future has in store for me anymore soI have been falling into the feeling that I don’t even care anymore. If its good, then welcome, if its not, should I even be surprised?

Almost Magical

Dear Journal,
 

          Today I woke up just minutes before my alarm clock sounded. It’s was almost magical. I woke up, turned it off before it had the chance to ring, then got dressed. I made my tea with ginger and got ready for work. I was a little early but that was a good thing. There was almost no traffic, which is weird for a Friday, but I can’t complain. Once I came to work everyone greeted me with warm smiles. You could tell on their faces that they were happy the weekend was here.

           Work was rather fast pace. I was surprised it was going that smoothly. I was off and out the door in time. The sun was hitting in a way that made everything look beautiful. Spring. The car ride home was warm and full of music from my favorite playlist. I got home and my mom had made a nice dish which still makes my mouth water at the thought. I read a little before taking a quick shower. Got settled in bed and fell asleep.

          Of course, all this sounds way too good to be true. That’s because it is. None of these things actually happened. But I wish it were like that. I think we all wish it was like that. We all wish to wake up and have a good day, or maybe hope it will be good.

          What actually happened? Yes I woke up, obviously, but not before my alarm clock. It rang and my ears almost bled. I laid there wanting to go back to sleep but also  knowing that I had an obligation. An obligation I wish I didn’t have. After loosing all that time I had almost no time to get ready. Got in my car and had only about less than fifteens to get to work. I made it. One minute late, which will cost me .25 of a point. Great. No one said hi, or seemed to notice my presence.

          After I settled into work, it was hectic. Not over the top crazy, but enough to not want to be there. Someone at work asked if I was tired, I asked them why? They answered, “your face looks tired.” Well  thanks, that’s really motivating.  Went home thirty minutes after i was supposed to and showered. It was nice to see my mom. After the shower I went for a run, don’t know how long but my muscles are sore so must have been a while. Now I shall sleep, I agreed to work at four AM because who needs a social life right?
 

4/7/2017