Skull

Party animal.

That’s one of the ways you can describe me. Or should I say that’s one of the ways I want to be described?

This weekend I watched Christopher Robin. Yes I’m a little kid at heart. It almost made me cry. I loved it. I remember watching the cartoons and the movies when I was young. The one I loved the most was Pooh’s grand adventure. Christopher Robin leaves Pooh and note that he’s going to school but he leaves it stuck to a honey pot that the words get smudged and Pooh’s friend end up thinking it says skull, and that’s where the adventure starts as they set out to bring back Christopher from Skull.

Saturday I finally showed a friend this blog. I think she’s been reading some of my posts, you guys will get to know here as Queenlynn. As I told her about my blog I really was thinking if I should just tell everyone else? Should they know what I wrote about them? Should they know what goes on in my head? What I’ve been trough? I’m going to give it more thinking and then decide.

On a different note, I met this guy on Grindr who I’ve gone to the movies before. We turned out good friends and asked if I wanted to go clubbing. I of course said yes. We saw a drag show and then after danced until two in the morning. I got to meet his friend. They seem pretty cool and I swear they make the cutest type of combination as friends.

The club was awesome and I really liked the vibe. There were more people than last time. I danced all the way until they shut it down. Then we chilled at my car till I sobered up before hitting a fast food place because we were hungry. Then I hit my bed.

I woke up maybe three hours later and headed to LA with a friend to buy a suit for a wedding I will be one of the grooms men in. I’m excited to be honest. I’ve never been anything important at a wedding so this is exciting. Plus I’ve been going to a lot of get togethers where they have had dance music and I’ve been loving that.

I was tired as hell but it was really worth it. This weekend went by way too fast but it was amazing at the same time. I need to slow down though. I haven’t had a weekend to myself for the last three months and I need to gather my thoughts.

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Much To Tell

Writers block.

You could say that I have writers block. My brain has been really empty for the first part of August. Or maybe I should say that my life has been empty. Nothing much has happened since the last time I wrote. I usually wrote when something happens and an idea forma in my head.

That’s basically why I’m writing now. The idea; writers block. So, basically I would have to write and mumble about how it’s affecting me and what not. But that sounds really boring to say the least.

Then, I thought hey I just came out to a coworker maybe that’s a good story to tell. But it wasn’t really a coming out story because I never really said I was gay. At the same time she kind of understood me on so many levels. With her being a lesbian too I think she saw it in my eyes. So there’s not much to tell there.

But alas! This weekend I will have much to tell, I promise.

I Miss You Already

Love.

It never seems to happen at the right time for me. If it seems like there is something good going my way then bam¸ life wants to pry it out of my hands. And it happens every single dam time.

I met a guy yesterday. Yes, on an app, (shut your mouth and don’t you dare judge me). When he started talking to me it seemed that he wasn’t that into me. Then the conversation progressed ever so smoothly. Like we had known each other for a long time. We talked and and talked for hours without ever running out of things to say.

He asked me what I was looking for. I said maybe a friend or a relationship. I described to him what I felt and what I wanted. He really liked what I had to say. The only catch this time is that he is moving 6 hours away because of his job. New promotion.

Just my luck, when I find a cute guy that actually likes me back and is into me, he has to go and move away. The issues is that we really liked each other. So, I kindly accepted his jokingly invitation to go over, yolo right?

He really didn’t want me to go because he knew we would catch feelings for each other. And it turned out that we did, or at least I know I did. I went to his house and we talked for maybe an hour or so outside. We then went inside where we continued our coversation.

Again, talking to him was so easy, everything just came out of my mouth, my complete trust was his. We didn’t talk anything serious, just regular midnight talk. We even talked about the stars and what not, I know, very romantic. I felt like it was a fairytale, I was delighted.

Then we went to his room and just watched Netflix. Suddenly we are holding each other. I was glued to his body and he was to mine. The smell of his body made me float to cloud nine and I felt like I was untouchable. I felt like right there at that moment, I was finally living my dream. Like all the wars and battles I had to go through in my life were all worth it because they had all led me to that moment.

It was too good to be true and then I remembered he was leaving soon. I told him, “this seems like a movie. No, like a book. What would we call it?” He came up with really good names to name our future book. But then I said I Miss You Already. We settle on it without a second thought because it was such a heart breaking tittle.

Its sad but it is what is happening. I am falling for him, I know he is leaving, but yet I want more of him. My arms still smell like him. I can’t get his face out of my head, his lips and even the feeling of him holding me in his arms. The way he laughs and jokes around are all ingraved in my memory. Even his cute little cat, Jasper.

This definitely feels like one of those summer books I used to read about when I was younger. Boy meets boy, they fall in love and then one has to leave, then slam, broken hearts. But those always end with a happy heart warming ending right?

Will ours?

I Hope You Find Your Peace

Last week a coworker was making a joke that if I was to be looked for I would surely be found in the “ladies room.”

At first this did not phase me. I did not care. But then something happened. I usually leave a note of when I leave my desk, so it is easier for people to locate me. It usually reads “If you are looking for Me he is in X location.” I came back from my break and found it saying “if you are looking for Me she is in the ladies room.”

I’ve been bullied my whole life and never found a way to stand up for myself. One of my coworkers saw it and took it straight to my supervisor. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, scared that people would see this and then question my sexuality.

Today Human Resources called two of my coworkers to make a statement. Then he was called also to the office where he admitted to writing those things right before being terminated.

I don’t wish him bad. I actually wish it goes well for him. I wish him good luck. I just hope he learns from this. I hope that one day when some one is doing the same thing he did to me he is the one that stand up for them. I hope he finds his peace.

I am great full for the people who stood up for me. I hope they get blessed for this. It taught me that there are good people out there and that some of them actually do care.

If you’re out there struggling with someone who is bullying you, and just like I is too scared to speak up, find someone who can help you. Find someone who loves you and will take care of your sometimes we can’t ourselves because of the oppressor. But if we don’t stop them now, when will we?

Listen Here You Motherfucking Inconsiderate Bigot

It’s 2018 in case you hadn’t noticed. Discrimination and hate are still thriving and it looks like it’s only going south.

I’m gay. I’ve always known. I don’t come off as gay. Maybe one you get to know me you’ll ask yourself, maybe he is or isn’t? But what is it to you? Unless you want to ask for my number and ask me on a date or have someone in mind for me to date, what good is it for you to know my sexuality?

Let say you know what my sexuality is. Are you going to use that as a joke to make other people laugh? Are you going to make me feel bad for it? Ashamed? Are you going to make my work environment hostile? Will I wake up every morning not wanting to go to work afraid of the new joke you’ll have to make everyone else crack up along with you?

Well listen here you motherfucking inconsiderate bigot. You hurt my feelings for the last time. You made me doubt my sexuality and even my life for the last time. Because of your intolerance and prejudice I have suffered for too long and this time I’m speaking out. I’m not letting you win.