You Are A Badass

Ok so I have made it through yet another week of working 80 hours in one week. Some times I feel like I can’t go on and then I say to myself, hey you! You are a bad ass. Look at you, working two jobs, taking care of your family, getting those bills paid, and still manage to have a social life. You got this. Keep it up.

My new position at my first job has not brought any struggles or challenges yet but I figure they will soon. No good thing last long.

Yesterday I went out with some close friends to Applebee’s for their one dollar margaritas. I had two. They were pretty strong and I enjoyed both of them . I always enjoy the time I spend with them.

One of my friends was kind of grumpy since it was close to midnight but we still had a good time.

I bought a self help book. It claims to help you out to Life life in an awesome way. Don’t know what that means. I bought it thinking it would help me be more outspoken or less shy, maybe it will. I looked at many books but this was the one that I liked . I think it was mainly because of the tittle, Your are a Badass.

So far it’s really funny but hasn’t really helped me out much. Maybe once I’ll get more into it.

Other than that this week has flown by. I keep say dam my life is passing by so fast. And it is. Too fast. Wish it would slow down just a tad bit, so I could enjoy it a little more .

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Watch Me

I got the job! Well let me explain. Should have written this before buuuuut. Anyway I had an interview at a answering phone service and they really liked me, like really liked me. I think I was possessed by a charming charismatic ghost because I blew them away.

I think it’s a new me. It’s time for a new me. Hey if Taylor Swift can reinvent herself and come back like the bad ass that she is why cant I? I think that’s my new gaol.

Be more outspoken, more spontaneous, louder, be less timid. I am an incredible person inside and I feel like the world should see that. Although, yes, it will take time to develop the skills and all but I know I can accomplish it. Watch me.


In other news. My typing is getting better. Also one more week to Sequoia and I’m freaking the fuck out! I know I say how much I want to go and it’s getting repetitive and all and it’s all true like I can’t stop thinking about it. I wish that I could stay longer there and see more because one day won’t be enough but I will make the most of it.

Earlier today, my uncle and aunt came to visit from out of town. They are from my dads side of the family but they still really care about my mom, and us. They came to see how she was doing with the whole cancer thing. And she’s actually doing great. They just left a while ago. They took us out to eat and it was delicious. Sizzler.

Any who I feel like I haven’t been on here for years and I hate that. What’s going to happen when I start my second job? Well, I make time for it for sure, because I love writing. Wow this post is all over the place it doesn’t even make sense. K bye.

Not Bad News

Ok, so here's the sitch, I went to work today feeling like I was the king of the world. But can you blame me? I was the only one up for a promotion and I really thought I was going to get it, I didn't. But before you go on and say hot dam another depressing post, hold your horses because it's not one.

The position hasn't been filled yet, that's only because they want to move her (the girl who doesn't want it anymore) to a different department, but moving her they have to move someone else. Why do companies do that? Every little change affects them in some way. Which is mostly every occasion.

Want to make a change? How much money will it cost? What to fix a problem? How much money will it cost? I feel that they are looking at it all wrong but what ever. Form what I hear on the street the job is mine. It's looking for an new spot for her that's the problem.

So you see? Not bad news, just regular news. I'm getting better at this optimistic thing don't you think?


My weekend wasn't that bad either. Went to work and then grocery shopping. Found out our food stamps card has been cut off. And instead of fighting for it I said fuck it. Yes we will struggle for a month or so but with the new promotion (fingers crossed) hopefully it will help.

After that I reluctantly bought a exercise bike. It was on sale so I had to get it. The neighbors stupid dog still won't shut up so I have to find other ways to keep my hot smoking body in shape lol what body?

My Sunday was bland. I pretty much organized my room and I filed some mail that had been sitting on that chair that I know all y'all have. You know. That chair you have in your room to "sit" on but you only use it as something to place things on. Like clothes or books even things who have no intention of putting away.

Anyway of topic sorry . I am working on my other blog and it's coming along good. Hopefully I can publish it soon. I'm excited. Other than that life's a bit boring. So bye FeliCa.

Donnie Downer

So Journal,

Right after the Wallflower post, I got a call from a friend I have been ignoring because she is so happy about life and I honesty can’t stand that, (because obviously I hate life and black is my favorite color and I wake up to My Chemical Romance every day). -Not true-

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I told her everything I have been going through and she really did understand because she has kind of a similar back story that I do, that’s why we have maintained our friendship for so long. She basically told me to stop being a Donnie Downer (AKA the male version of Debbie Downer. She’s not wrong, I have been focusing on everything that is going bad in my life and that’s really not mentally healthy.

After telling me that I should be less bitchy about life in a nice way she really did help me feel better. The day after, (Friday) I was supposed to go to other friends house. I hadn’t seen these friends since Christmas because of their schedules. But it was raining so hard that I decided to call that off and just stay home in case, you know, we flooded and died. I’m scared to see them since we have grown apart since I quit my last job where I met them both. They still work there but I couldn’t stand it there so I quit.

Anyway, Saturday was fun! I got an oil change for my car and also went out to eat with the family at this cool taco place in Riverside call Tio’s Tacos. It’s a cool place with great food. The environment is really friendly and the way they used trash to make everything is really creative (the art not the food, yaa nasty). Sure, some of the things are freaky and border line creepy (like the dolls and stuffed animals hanging from the trees), but that’s what makes it unique and I just love that.

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I passed this place more than a couple of times until one friend took me there after her jury duty. It was nice, at the end of summer so super romantic. This time it was really peaceful and my mother really enjoyed it. My brother was the one that wanted to go to this other place closer to home because the “tacos are bigger there.” Which in his defense yes they probably are but I wanted a torta.

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Then we went widow shopping and another friend texted me to  hang out, (I know it sounds like I have a lot of friends but it’s just like two or four of them I swear and basically I only see them once a moth so calm down, I’m not a friend whore).

We ended up eating a full box of pop corn while watching Keeping Up With the JonesesIt’s a pretty funny movie. Really generic and cliché though. New neighbors move in, the most normal and boring neighbors are suspicious of them. Which later gets them in trouble by finding out their new neighbors are actually spies and they get involved in the mission.

Now, as the weekend is coming to an end I feel that it was a nice weekend. No one died, (yet). We have food in our fridge for now and a roof over our heads so I should be grateful for that. I appreciate what I have and I am thankful. Thank you God. (Or universe, higher power, faith and hope, or anything that was involved).

Tomorrow (after seven months) the company that I work for will finally hire me. So I will no longer be a temp, I will be a real associate. I will finally feel like I actually work there. Not to mention the ten-cent raise, yay. *Throws confetti in the air* I’ll let you know how it goes Journal, for now before I sleep I shall watch a couple of episodes of New Girl to cheer me up. She is my soul mate!

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2/19/2017

A Cold Shoulder & A Bye Bitch 

Dear Journal,

     I’m in a conundrum. I don’t have many friends (obviously), but the few that I do have I always seem to be pushing away. Now, I logically thinking, believe that if I push them away it’s their responsibility as friends to resist that and try hard to mend the binds between us. 

     But, of course that’s not what actually happens. I push them away and just when I think that they will come back with, “no, we’re your friends and we are here for you even if you don’t want us to be.” That’s not what happens. Instead I get a cold shoulder and a “bye bitch.” 

     Maybe it’s the way I push them away? I don’t know, but sometimes I feel like they can’t help. There are so many things going on in my life that suck so hard (in a bad way). I should start off with explaining to them what’s going on, but as soon as the thought comes to my head another thought pops up and devours the last one. Which is, what good is it for me to let out my worries if they can’t be fixed? 

     Aren’t I a saint? (Ha). I don’t want to worry people with my problems that I keep them to myself instead of letting everyone know. I don’t want they’re pity, I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. Yes Journal , I know I sound really proud of myself but it’s only because everyone else has they’re own problems why should I join my dark clouds with theirs? That’s like a super mega fucked up storm. Humanity is already in a shit hole, we don’t need more shit, (or holes). 

     Anyway, one of my friends texted me saying she wanted to hang out which is cool. I do too. I don’t have any money (not even for McDonald’s). So going out is not an option. But going to her house and playing video games with some friends, provided some one brings food, I guess I could go. So I agreed. I don’t feel like being around people but I’ll let you know how it goes Journal. 
2/11/2017