You Wait For The Perfect Outcome, But We Don’t Live In A Perfect World 

Dear Journal, 

          I had planned on going to work early today, so therefore I woke up an hour early. My alarm went off so many times that I decided to turn it off. Big mistake. I woke up with just twenty minutes left, unrealistically I thought if I hurried I would still make it in time. I got everything ready and as I was about to walk out the door I saw the clock. It takes me about thirteen to fourteen mitintes to get to work. Seeing that I only had ten, and I have yet to master freezing time, I decided just to go in at my regular time. 

          So instead here I am, writing to you. Nothing but my thoughts today. One good thing, that might just be general news, is that we have a fish tank. (And fish, of course). They are mainly mollies and guppies. Small fish. It’s a ten gallon fish tank so we can’t have any fish that will grow because eventually they will die. They aren’t that bad. The males are brighter and more colorful but can’t have more males than females because just like humans, they tire out the females. 

          Other than that I have lost a couple of pounds. I notice that my shirts aren’t that tight anymore. I can button my pants without have to suck it in. And I notice when I sit down I don’t have that much of a gut. I haven’t weighed myself yet. I think I’m scared. Scared that the scale will tell me what I feel is a lie. But I know I have to, eventually. Still my diet and fitness continue. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good about my body.

          I haven’t heard anything from my old friends. Wow, “old”, as in the past. That’s really sad. It’s crazy how you can spend so much time with people and then after a couple of months you don’t know who they are anymore. Really sad. Well they’re missing out. 

          My moms surgery is set to be in early May. I am scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Sure you wait for the perfect outcome but we don’t live in a perfect world. Still you have to hope. Hope. Sometimes I hate that word. Sometimes it’s really beautiful . I suppose it all depends in what state you’re mentally in at the time. 

           I haven’t read any new books yet. I have one on my night stand locked and ready. But I just haven’t had the chance. With working ten hours a day and Netflix being my weakness I just haven’t had enough time. I’m currently viewing about five shows which I said I would never do because I wouldn’t remember any of their plots or characters, but remember, not a perfect world. 

          Anyway, this was relaxing. I’ll smother some peanut butter on bread and eat that with my tea and go to work. Like any normal day. No one will know I intended to go earlier but it didn’t work out. That’s just life, we plan things so far ahead, and then find out that that’s not actually what is in store for us. 

4/20/2017

New Hobbies 

Dear Journal, 

         This weekend by far has been one of the best weekends I have had in a while. It went by so fast I didn’t have enough time to blink. Now, usually that would bug me because I am a home body. I like to be alone, with my snacks, Netflix , snuggled up in bed. But this weekend was anything but that. 

          First, one Saturday, I woke up super early to go to work. Yes, work. I didn’t mind. I woke up really refreshed, no joke. They had donuts and later on pizza for everyone that had gone, as a thank you. It took so much of me to say no to both. (P.s. I’m on a healthy diet now, and I’m a full on  runner and health nerd). My coworkers ate and ate while I ate my grapes. 

         After work I came home and took a nap. It was maybe less than half an hour but it helped. I had planned to start a garden so I headed over to the Home Depot. Bought some soil and also plants. Tomato, strawberry, cantaloupe, and watermelon. I want to plant more but we’ll see. From there I went hiking and I gave it my all! I went up and did two loops around the top, or was it three? I’m not sure, I just felt energized after. My feet hurt but in the good way, you know? 

         The next day (Sunday), I woke up with a mission. I prepared the ground where my garden was going to be so in the afternoon I could plant my new babies. It took me an hour to fix everything up but I was well over satisfied. After that I ate breakfast and went on my way to Petco. My friends brother gave me a fish tank so I had to get the filter and other necessities that go along so he could also give me some fish he doesn’t want, (he’s building a pond at his house so he’s giving away his smaller fish). 

          When I was done installing everything in the tank I turned it on and the sound it made was just lovely. Like a mini waterfall. Reminds of my childhood for a sec. I had a fish tank grouping up. 

          Once the sun had come down enough for me to plant my new friends I went outside and got the soil and the plants ready. They went in with no problem. They looked cute together in the ground. They had their own respective places good enough for their nutrients and space. I’m excited about them. Can you tel!? 

          Now at the end of my Sunday it all seems sour because I have to go back to the work routine. But I’m walking into this week just maybe an ounce happier than I’ve been the last couple of weeks. But hopefully my new found hobbies (running, planting, and fish?) keep my mind busy and bring me some kind of light to my life.

4/9/2017