What I Have Become

I have been letting myself go recently. The past few weeks have been really hectic. I have been up and down and getting ready for my mother’s surgery and then bringing her home after having her at the hospital for a week of recovery.

Having little time and also being tired from going here and there really doesn’t give you the energy to make a healthy homemade meal. So, I’ve been eating out, and when I say eat out I mean eating out. Plus, it does not help when people want to help you out by also feeding you with fast food.

While I was at the hospital for a week with my mom, friends would bring me lunch and it was always something from a fast food place. I didn’t mind at first but now I’m feeling it. My hands, legs, and feet all feel the same to me. But my stomach and man boobs are screaming at me to stop.

Once I was sucked into the world of fast food I couldn’t stop. I didn’t stop. As a matter a fact, just today, I went to the store. While there, I bought three cans in Pringle’s. Why? I didn’t even have a craving for them I just got them because I felt the need to. I bought M&M’s. I had Starbucks. And to top it all off I went to McDonald’s and bought a McChicken sandwich.

I ate all of it myself. I sit here and realizing what I have become. Even now, I just finished two hotdogs. I wasn’t hungry. I was extremely still full. Why did I eat? All of the things I consume is out of satisfaction. Not because I need to eat it and not because I want to, it’s just to satisfy something that I am missing. What am I missing?

I’m not sure.

But what I am sure of is I need to get back to my routine. I need to get back to exercising. I need to get back to eating healthier. I need to find a better way to control my anxiety instead of just eating it.

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Saturday

This past Saturday was nostalgic. No, I didn’t do anything exciting, and no I didn’t go anywhere luxurious. But I had a good time, alone.

I was planning on sleeping early. And waking up and going to the gym early in the morning. But I started listening to The Chainsmokers. They’re Music is really great. I like their style and specially they’re new music. My favorite song from them is Don’t let me down and Closer comes in a close second.

When I started listening to them I lost my sleep. YouTube was there to keep me company. Once it came time to actually sleep I heard the neighbors music, they had a party going on that I didn’t notice since I had been wearing earphones the whole night.

When midnight struck I felt hungry so I wen to Jack in the box. Got a burrito which I really enjoyed. Stayed in the parking lot for a while before heading back home.

Music on blast I was happy. I was having a good time and I felt content. It was almost magical. Threw some in some Cardi B in there to finish the night as I went to sleep around 4AM.

Not a bar hopping, money spending night, but music and fast food are the way to my soul.

Awards, Drama, And Friendship

Today was a weird day. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning for a run like I have been doing. Since I go in at four AM I have to wake up early to run (because #fitfam LoL ew). Soon that will stop though, once i start going in at six again. Anyway, work was super easy. It was Friday and I just wanted to be done. But then they told us we had to work tomorrow, which should have bothered me seeing as it's the weekend and I have a life and by life I mean pending shows to watch on Netflix but it actually didn't. 

There was a town hall meeting and they told us that the contract was renewed. So us (the distributors) will still be working for the client of the product we are distributing. Not sure if that makes sense, well in short, I have a job for at least another year. But I hope I'm working somewhere new maybe writing.

At that "meeting" I received two awards. One for attendance and another is for Outstanding Inventory Partner. It felt good to be recognized. Sometimes you do your work and feel so disconnected and forget there are actually people observing how hard you work. Hard work pays off.

No raise though which sucks. 

After work I had an interview at a fast food restaurant but like the true me that I am, I didn't go. Anxiety got the best of me once again. It's cool though instead of putting myself down I just have to work on it. Practice. I know one day I will be outgoing and have a lot to say but until then I can be me in my little shell all I want. 

Oh, I almost forgot, so speaking of work. Our inventory manager quit right out of the blue and good thing she did I hated hat bitch. Apparently she texted my lead yesterday saying she wasn't going to come in today because the "new employer" wanted her to start working today. So she left my lead in charge. That's crazy though who quits like that? Like, on hey, just letting you know I'm not going to go to work today, I have a new job. I just find that so hysterical. So now we don't have a supervisor or a manager. I really want my lead to take her spot. That way I can move up to lead. Then I'll get a pay raise. Hallelujah.

Any takers?

Also, one of my friends is heading to Mexico for the weekend. And get this, since we have a streak on Snapchat (it's like a fire flame thing that counts how many continuous days you snap chat a person) he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave me his login. So I can snap chat myself as him and not lose the streak! To you it may sound like cheating but to me that's friendship. That like made our friendship points go through the roof. True friend. Don't know many people that would do that honestly. I just think it's super cool. Like, would your friend just lend you their logins to their social media accounts?

Now to bed because I have to work mañana. 

Life Is Hectic

I have been in a good mood lately. And if you know me you might even say great mood. Things have been all over the place but they haven't been that terrible. I have to start looking at the bigger picture you know. I'm always seeing the down side in things and that just brings me down. I should really start focusing on the positive and give thanks for what I have and what I have accomplished. Possibly even brag a little of what I have done, I mean I deserve to right?

Now, onto my moms results, I got a call from the doctor and she informed me that the test was never made and she ordered it as an emergency. Which usually takes about ten or so days. Hopefully sooner and we can get this ball rolling. But I'm thankful the problem is being resolved. It's progress.

Three months ago I had 300 dollars stolen from my credit card and it's been a hassle trying to fix the issue with the bank of the credit card. And after moths of faxing paperwork and trying to get my money back today was the day of success. They fixed the issue and I should get those 300 bucks back by next Wednesday. Maybe that's why I'm in a good mood?

Today I went to my sixth treatment for my tattoo removal. It hurt like a bitch! I mean it always does but I forget. They had a knew laser. Something about heat. The one I was using before was also a laser but it was different. My tattoo is being stubborn. It doesn't even seem to be fading. Props to the tattoo artist. Respect. So children if you get tattoos remember it's going to be a pain in the ass removing them once you regret it.


I know it looks terrible but that's how it's supposed to look like, all swelled up and nasty.

In other news, yesterday I went to apply to a customer service operator job. One of my coworkers used to work there and she said she could refer me to the manager. That was cool of her. Although they aren't hiring at the moment they said they would call me first as to when they would start.

But get this, I got called from Bakers (fast food chain) for an interview. Torn, because I don't know if I should go or not. I don't know until when I'll be called for the answering service job. What if it's months? Weeks? I need a job now. I'm going to go and see how it goes.

I also told my brother to start studying for the DMV written test, mainly so he could drive to school but also so he can get motivated to get a job and help around the house. It seemed to work as he's studying right now and I didn't have to force him. School starts for him two weeks from today so I know he's not going to have a license by then but hopefully soon.

That's all that went down this week. Life is hectic, why should I stay in a rut? I'm going to start seeing the best of things, just watch.

Target, If You’re Reading This Please HIRE ME

I was thinking about considering getting a second job. Well, better said, I have already been considering getting another job. Well, better better said, I already applied to various jobs. Yesterday I went home and applied to a few just like I had on Monday.

I don't have a preference, I just want to work. I would like a part time because I already work 40 hours a week therefore if I would get another job then it would have to be maybe around 20 hours or so. Sounds like I'm being interview right now.

Anyway, the reason being I got bills and they ain't getting paid. Since my mom can't work and my brother is so unmotivated to help, I, like most of the time, have to do it all. Plus I want to save money just for emergencies, because you never know.

So I applied to Target, Walgreens, some fast food restaurants, and Dollar tree. If I had to choose which one I really wanted I would choose Target. I love Target. If I need anything or everything that's where I go. Don't really know why. Maybe it's the people? The environment? How clean and nice everything looks? That it has a Starbucks? I think it might be the last one.

So Target, if you're reading this, HIRE ME. Please. But it's cool if you don't. I will be heart broken but still shop at your stores. But I will keep applying with persistence don't think I won't!

Since my mom can't drive her car, she lent it to a friend so it wouldn't just be sitting there. And since she's driving it, the friend, did the oil change with a well known friend of ours. He also told her to change the motor air filter which she did and that the car needed new spark plugs. She told me and I said ok let's buy them. Even though she's driving the car I didn't make her pay them all herself. I know she's going through a hard time too right now so why make it harder?

The smog is do before October so hopefully we get it all done by then. My mom wants her to pay for it since she's driving it but it's still our car. Do you see how nice I am? The car is in great condition so it will most likely pass.

Tomorrow I take my mom see the oncologist finically. He'll tell us everything about the cancer and tell us how much chemo my mom will need. I'm hopping for good news.

Other than that nothing else has happened. My life is kind of boring except when bad things happen. If my life was a movie it would win an Oscar for best Drama.