Destiny, Fate, Or What Ever You Want To Call

Do you believe in fate? How about destiny? Many people believe that our lives are already planned out for us by a higher power and we are just following the path laid before us, are you one of them?

“Everything happens for a reason.”

This expression is very known. But what does it actually mean? Is it a positive expression? “Hey I found this 100 dollar bill on the ground, I really needed it, everything happens for a reason.”

Or maybe you happen to get a flat tire on the freeway, “well everything happens for a reason Susan.” That’s more negative, you see?

And to be completely honest I’ve heard it both used in a positive way and a negative way. But what happens when something happens so out of the blue that you don’t even know if it’s a good or bad thing?

Well maybe I’m going way to far out there on this and being too over dramatic. Depends how you look at things. Let me give you a little bit of a back story.

Since I’ve quit the gym I’ve been going to the local park to walk around. I’ve also been taking my mom since the doctors recommended her to exercise more as well.

My local park is no ordinary park, no no. There is also a library and a community center there as well. So picture this. There are people walking there dogs, kids playing on the play ground, and there are little league games going on in distant baseball fields.

This is where, destiny, fate, or what ever you want to call it comes into place. I’m walking on the side walk around the whole proximity of the park. I’d say it’s about a mile around.

I’m walking past the community center parking lot and this white car facing the side walk honks at me. At first I don’t pay attention. Why should I? I’m minding my own business waking on the side walk unbothered by everyone and everything else.

But then, they honk again and that’s when I turn. It was like a scene of a movie. An old friend happened to park in the exact same parking spot that I would be walking right in front of. What would be the chances? I haven’t seen her in maybe more than two months. And honestly not because I didn’t want to. I’ve been trying to change my lifestyle remember?

Get this, she was there because her moms friends daughter was having a quince party. That’s a huge blow out party in Latin culture when a girl turns fifteen. Sort of like a sweet sixteen.

She didn’t have to go to that party. But she was there. Parking her car exactly where and when I was walking. I really didn’t feel like walking at all. (I had just eaten Chinese food and felt more like sleeping). But there I was walking right in front of where she happened to park.

Coincidence? Fate? Destiny? What if I had to tie my shoe? I would have missed her. What if one, only one, of the traffic lights she had gone through was red instead of green? She would have missed me. I would have been on the other side of the park.

Maybe I’ve been looking into this way too much, I have had a lot of time on my hands today. But nonetheless this is just one of those moments in life that make you say wtf. Deep down I know it was a sign, I don’t know what sign, but it was a sign.

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Quit The Gym

What would you do to have the best body ever? How much time would you be willing to invest to have the greatest body you could ever have? How much money would you be willing to spend to get that body?

No, this isn’t an ad for something and I’m not selling any pills that will magically make you into that cover girl or get you that surfer dude’s body. These are just some of the questions I asked myself before I decided to quit the gym.

Yes, I quit the gym. I know in previous posts I was so eager to go back and be hit the gym hard and get toned and back into shape. But the thing is, I wasn’t going to do it for myself.

See, all my life I’ve wanted to be someone else. In the sense that I’ve always wanted to be more social, more out there, louder, and more confident. And this summer that was who I was. But where was all of that coming from? Where was my confidence coming from? From my body.

I thought that by looking good, people were generally going to accept me, and I live off of being accepted. Plus in my mind I always considered myself as fat. I’m not fat or obese. I’m only fifteen pounds over what I should actually weigh. And that’s not entirely bad.

This society made me think that in order to be accepted I have to be a certain size or shape. Even weight! I always felt that people would look at me like I was different, even to the point of thinking they would see me as ugly and detestable.

And a part of me, the very superficial part of me, thought that by having a good body I was going to be able to get the sexual attention I wanted. And I’m not going to lie, I got it. It was fun. It was great. But it wasn’t for me. The people who would be with me only wanted to be with me because they liked what they saw, and that’s not bad, but that’s all they saw. They never saw me. They didn’t want to get to know me. They just wanted my body. *insert what everyone is thinking here* (Get over yourself will you).

But I came to a conclusion the other day. My body should not be the reason I have friends, or relationships, or even where my confidence should come from. I am so much more than my body. So what if I gained a little weight? We all go through a rough patch with our bodies. I love food to much to say no to it.

On the other hand, I’m not saying I’m going to be consuming calories like the government consumes your taxes. No. Running is one of the most anti stress tools that I have ever found to help me. And I’ve always enjoyed it.

Do I need a gym for it? No there are parks. Do I need to pay for them? No, the government already takes my money to keep them nice and pretty. Will I be going crazy trying to get that Calvin Klein looking body? No, for once in my life I’m content with my body. And for once in my life I don’t need to be accepted by anyone to be happy. Because happiness does not come form other people. Or the acceptance of them. If they don’t like you why be around them? Happiness doesn’t come from them. It comes from within. I dare you to go find it.

Not Bad News

Ok, so here's the sitch, I went to work today feeling like I was the king of the world. But can you blame me? I was the only one up for a promotion and I really thought I was going to get it, I didn't. But before you go on and say hot dam another depressing post, hold your horses because it's not one.

The position hasn't been filled yet, that's only because they want to move her (the girl who doesn't want it anymore) to a different department, but moving her they have to move someone else. Why do companies do that? Every little change affects them in some way. Which is mostly every occasion.

Want to make a change? How much money will it cost? What to fix a problem? How much money will it cost? I feel that they are looking at it all wrong but what ever. Form what I hear on the street the job is mine. It's looking for an new spot for her that's the problem.

So you see? Not bad news, just regular news. I'm getting better at this optimistic thing don't you think?


My weekend wasn't that bad either. Went to work and then grocery shopping. Found out our food stamps card has been cut off. And instead of fighting for it I said fuck it. Yes we will struggle for a month or so but with the new promotion (fingers crossed) hopefully it will help.

After that I reluctantly bought a exercise bike. It was on sale so I had to get it. The neighbors stupid dog still won't shut up so I have to find other ways to keep my hot smoking body in shape lol what body?

My Sunday was bland. I pretty much organized my room and I filed some mail that had been sitting on that chair that I know all y'all have. You know. That chair you have in your room to "sit" on but you only use it as something to place things on. Like clothes or books even things who have no intention of putting away.

Anyway of topic sorry . I am working on my other blog and it's coming along good. Hopefully I can publish it soon. I'm excited. Other than that life's a bit boring. So bye FeliCa.

Emotional Recovery 

            Today we had our first check up since my moms surgery. According to the doctor everything is turning out “beautifully”. Makes me happy to hear that. Although while we were there and they were taking the gauze off I had to help undress my mom. 

            Now, never did I think I would be doing such thing. But, her health is my priority. Once the gauze was off I got to see the wound. It wasn’t a pretty site. It was actually a little unsettling. If I was shaken up about it, I can only imagen how she felt. Like, a part of her, a part that made her her, is now gone. 

            Once the doctor was examining her, I sat there thinking, how would I feel if a part of me was no more? How would you feel? It’s something that you have to kind of train your brain to think about, and also later accept. Then I thought of all the women who get mastectomies and they have to remove both breasts. That must be wicked hard. And I have mad respect for them. If your one of them, you are strong and I am proud of you. 

            If your a guy reading this and you don’t understand because your a cold hearted and closed minded asshole, just picture someone taking one of your balls off, maybe even both. How would you feel? They are part of you. Part of what make you male. So for a women to get a breast or breasts removed is hard. Extremely hard. Because sure they can take your balls off no one would notice. But breasts are pretty visible. 

            Anyway, the doctor said there might not even be any need for chemo, but that would be up to the oncologist. We have to make an appointment to see him soon. 

            I could tell that my mom was shaken up about seeing her wound. She said she didn’t want to see it but she did anyway. I hugged her and encouraged her the most that I could. Got her to see the bright side of all this. This is all for the better and her health is the most important thing. She cheered up a bit once I started making my little jokes, I like to see her smile. 

            Now, hopefully we are on the path of recovery. I have to find some exercises for her arm so it won’t stiffen up. Also maybe a bra that will get her self estime up a little. I know this isn’t easy for her and I want to make it as easy and as painless as I can. Even though it’s a lot of physical recovery I feel that there will also be a lot of emotional recovery, and I will be there every step of the way to make it better.  

Shin Splints 

            I love running. Especially outside. I’ll admit I did want a treadmill once, but that desire faded away as soon as I saw how nice and beautiful it is to breathe the fresh air outside. 

            Running for me is such a good way for me to relive my stress. To let everything go with every single footstep I place on the ground. My lungs fill up with new air as worries and problems get exhaled and left behind. My mind travels to places that my feet can’t go while music flows through my ears right into my soul. 

            So what happens when that is taken away from you? Tragedy. Ok maybe that’s a little too dramatic. But for me knowing I can’t run for a while is nearly devastating. 

            Let me explain. So basically what happened as I hiked up my usual mountain today in the early morning is that my shins failed me. That bone that runs from your knee to your foot? Yeah that one! The middle part of my shin, the inner part, was hurting like HELL. On both feet! 

            Turns out it’s called shin splints. And it’s actually really common in runners. Well, runners that are very unbalanced. Which I suppose, I am. I have to take the blame on this one (obviously) and say that it’s my fault. I have had minor pain in the same location but had ignored it. I just thought it was sore. But you should never ignore your body! I just learned that today. 

            If I would have listened to my body and investigated this sooner I probably would have fought this early on and would have just cooled down my runs. Now I’m left to stop running completely for a week or so while it heals up. 


            I bought some athletic tape and some neoprene sleeves for both legs. I also placed a cold pad on them for a little while. The pain has gone away, but that doesn’t mean that it’s healed. When I apply pressure it feels like agony. 



            My mom told me that I should cool it down when I run. But I don’t even run that intense. I think it’s just that I stopped so long ago then testarted a long while after and my body was just like WTF Dude? You know? 

            For now all I’m left with is yoga. I tried it once, but didn’t have the patients for it. I’m going to give it another try and see how it goes. Maybe it will calm and relax me in a different way? I’ll do anything right now, don’t have any other options of exercise, other than weights and I do that already.