I have fallen off the wagon regarding food as I said in my last post. But I have also lost track of sleep. I haven’t been going to work for a week so naturally someone would say that I would be sleeping in. But I haven’t been. I go to sleep late and wake up early to go pick up my brother since he works graveyard.
He works for a very famous company that is in the news recently for raising their minimum wage to fifteen dollars. He was very excited to hear that. I was actually very excited to hear that as well. He works really hard and they push them hard too. They set goals for them and they have to meet them or even go above and beyond them. Which he does.
But, back to my headache. Oh wait I didn’t mention that, well I’ve had a headache all day today. I know it’s the lack of sleep and not eating right is a big contributor to that as well. I’ve taken many pain pills throughout the day but nothing has happened, I know what I really need is to sleep.
I was also thinking about work. I go back in exactly in a week. How is it possibly that even now, a week away, I still can’t find myself ready to go back? I like being home. I like being with my family. Yesterday I even went to a friends house randomly just to hang out.
Talking to another friend we were thinking of ways we could make money without working and we came up with nothing, because technically that would be impossible. To make money you have to work, and to make a lot of money you have to work harder. But how can you make money and then grow money? Because obviously just working at a regular job always making the same amount of money isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Am I being too greedy? Seems like this has been a recurring theme in my blog. Get money. But don’t we all want what we don’t have?
Well, one of my jobs to be more exact. It was liberating. I felt free. Unstoppable.
Ok, maybe I didn’t feel that great but I did feel some sort of relief. I didn’t call. I didn’t show up. In a way it felt like skipping school. At times, I thought to myself, at this part of the day I would be doing this certainthing at work.
When my mother woke up and saw me laid in bed she asked me if my alarms had not gone off. Or if I just hadn’t felt well enough to go to work. I told her no, I quit.
You should have seen her face. I’ve never seen someone so happy to hear those words, I quit. She smiled a warm smile placed her hand on my knee. She even told me that with God everything is possible and not to worry about bills.
I know I don’t like my moms religious side. But that comment. Those words, just got to me. I felt good. I felt great about quitting. Who said quitters never win? I had won.
I did call my former employer (feels good to say that). I told them I would no longer be coming in. The manager told me matter-of-factly, “oh, we figured that.”
That was sort of rude. I guess it showed how much I hated being there. There are something’s that are just to hard to fake.
Will I miss any coworkers there? Probably not. I didn’t get too close to anyone. I tried not to. Why get attached when your going to leave them in the past? I know I’ll be the hot topic for a while though. I know I would have been talking smack if someone quit all of a sudden as I did.
So here’s to a new journey. Less stress. And less micromanagement.
I’m sitting here in a room I don’t want to be in. Tapping on keys and looking into a computer when I could instead be having fun with my best friend. It’s The Weekend. It’s the time where everyone should be out having fun. Doing important things with family. Spending time with people that actually mean something, not sitting in room full of nobodies.
I could literally get up, grab my things, and leave and never come back. This is my second job. I got this job to help me out with the bills. But is it worth it? I ask myself every time I come here. Is it worth the stress? Is it worth the time I miss out with family and friends?
It’s frustrating going back and forth in what I want. Do I want to be here? Do I need the money? What will happen when I quit?
When I first go here today I put it in my head that tomorrow I wasn’t going to show up. I wasn’t going to show up, call, or do anything. I was so mind set into just abandoning this job. But now, as I think more rationally, I find it hard to believe I could do that.
Is it bad? Or is it spontaneous? Will it affect me later? I don’t know. I just know that I need to stop. Working two jobs, paying bills, being The Man, is really fucking tiring. Can I take anymore of it? I’m not happy. I want to be happy. And as funny as it sounds, not working makes me happy.
Change is good. I like change. But what happens when the change turns your world upside down? When you get stuck in the moment and have to realize what’s going on before you can take that one step in the right direction.
I work in logistics. In simple terms, a Warehouse. It’s not glamorous. But it’s not a piece of shit place either. I like it. Not small but not too big. I like what I do.
I was just recently promoted to a position that has more responsibilities but isn’t too complicated or stressing. Everything was working out fine. But business is business. It’s cut throat or get cut. Live or die. And I’ve been dying.
Today they moved someone from another department to mine. And recently they brought in a supervisor form another site in to mine as well. Both will be training to be my bosses.
How do you train someone to be your boss? It’s not fair. Why can’t I just have the position. Or why didn’t they just leave the guy where he was. Everything was cool. Everything was fine.
Now it’s not.
My mind switches sides from teaching them everything I know to trying to keep things to myself to still be valuable. Because once everyone knows what you know who’s to say they they still need you? You are replaceable by the snap of a finger.
Business is business. I shouldn’t take things personal. This is the way it usually works. When it’s not you it’s someone else. Life isn’t fair. Do I have to lie to make my way through life? Are there things I’m doing wrong? Friends I do not have in high places? Asses that aren’t being kissed?
Well, excuse me but I don’t play fake. I don’t play games. I don’t beg.
Let my work speak for itself, and they can’t hear it. I’ll find someone who will.
Today was a weird day. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning for a run like I have been doing. Since I go in at four AM I have to wake up early to run (because #fitfam LoL ew). Soon that will stop though, once i start going in at six again. Anyway, work was super easy. It was Friday and I just wanted to be done. But then they told us we had to work tomorrow, which should have bothered me seeing as it's the weekend and I have a life and by life I mean pending shows to watch on Netflix but it actually didn't.
There was a town hall meeting and they told us that the contract was renewed. So us (the distributors) will still be working for the client of the product we are distributing. Not sure if that makes sense, well in short, I have a job for at least another year. But I hope I'm working somewhere new maybe writing.
At that "meeting" I received two awards. One for attendance and another is for Outstanding Inventory Partner. It felt good to be recognized. Sometimes you do your work and feel so disconnected and forget there are actually people observing how hard you work. Hard work pays off.
No raise though which sucks.
After work I had an interview at a fast food restaurant but like the true me that I am, I didn't go. Anxiety got the best of me once again. It's cool though instead of putting myself down I just have to work on it. Practice. I know one day I will be outgoing and have a lot to say but until then I can be me in my little shell all I want.
Oh, I almost forgot, so speaking of work. Our inventory manager quit right out of the blue and good thing she did I hated hat bitch. Apparently she texted my lead yesterday saying she wasn't going to come in today because the "new employer" wanted her to start working today. So she left my lead in charge. That's crazy though who quits like that? Like, on hey, just letting you know I'm not going to go to work today, I have a new job. I just find that so hysterical. So now we don't have a supervisor or a manager. I really want my lead to take her spot. That way I can move up to lead. Then I'll get a pay raise. Hallelujah.
Also, one of my friends is heading to Mexico for the weekend. And get this, since we have a streak on Snapchat (it's like a fire flame thing that counts how many continuous days you snap chat a person) he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave me his login. So I can snap chat myself as him and not lose the streak! To you it may sound like cheating but to me that's friendship. That like made our friendship points go through the roof. True friend. Don't know many people that would do that honestly. I just think it's super cool. Like, would your friend just lend you their logins to their social media accounts?