I Don’t Dance, I Read Books 

Ok Journal, 

 

         It’s currently 8:46 PM and I have just came back form the party I should have not gone to. Let me give you the run down of everything that happened just so you don’t think I’m crazy or exaggerating. 

          Everyone knows I’m the least social person in the world, and when I say everyone, I mean everyone. So during the course of the day I was debating if I would go to the party or not. One of my friends was going to go so I had him to hide behind and not look so bad. He said he was actually going to a prom he was invited to and he couldn’t turn it down because he had a ticket and the ticket “is like worth a hundred dollars or whatever.” Oh. Well then I guess our friendship is worth nothing? 

          This made my decision perfectly clear. I would not go to he party. Even though it was going to be exactly next door. I wouldn’t know anyone and I would stand in the corner looking like an asshole for not socializing. So I comfortably got in bed and put on Netflix and decided to give Stranger Things a try. I swear the second I was done with the first episode my mom said there was someone at the door. 

         At 5:19 PM my friends brother (the one that decided to end our friendship by going to a prom) had come to drag me to the party. He said he was alone and he knew me so he wanted me to go because that would make him feel less, well, alone. I hesitated but ultimately my big heart made me give in and I told him I would change. 

         So at 5:31 PM we started walking next door. I hadn’t noticed all the cars parked on the street until I went outside. I had my TV on blast. We got there and the host (our neighbor) told me that she told George to come and get me so he wouldn’t be alone yet she wanted us to meet knew people. I nodded and went and sat at the nearest corner that had not been taken. There wasn’t that many people which was good. But later more started arriving.  

         Around 5:50 PM the first game started. An Oreo cookie was placed on your forehead and you had to get it to your mouth by just moving the muscles on your face. Unwilling I was paired up with George (my friends brother), Devani (the hostess doughter) and some other guy I didn’t catch his name. We won which was ok not bad. Winning is cool. Maybe Poole will talk to me now. No. 

         We ended playing musical chairs around 6:30 PM I had lost around the sixth chair. After that we played a game that you had to pop a ballon. Of course with my luck I sat on the darn thing three times before it actually decided it was its time to go.  

         After that the dancing started. This is were the night went to shit. I do not dance, wait let me refriase that, I DO NOT DANCE. The host kept bugging and bugging me to dance. But I had to stand guard and take care of the wall. Protecting it was now my life mission and no one was going to get between me and my wall. I awkwardly stood there for more than an hour while everyone danced. 

          In my head I was thinking the worst. Or more better said, hoping that the worst would happen. Well actually, even better said that the best could happen. I thought, maybe the mikes will blow and the party will end. Maybe someone will drop juice or something on the DJs computer. Maybe the roof will collapse and kill us all. Really anything that would make this party stop. But luck was not on my side and it didn’t. So I just continued standing there defending the wall against nothing. No one protected that wall better than me. It had become my new best friend  . 

          I decided to leave. And George wanted to leave too. I showed him my new fish since he was the one who gave me half of them. He said they are doing fine. He left and I stayed at my house. And now the walls are protecting me from those peoples laughs and bickering. Saying things like “OMG so weird” and “why doesn’t he talk to someone” or “he shouldn’t have even came.” That last one is true. 

          I should have not gone . Why did I go? Out of the goodness of my heart? Why did I have to be this kind? And most of all bitch, why didn’t you come and talk to me if you were that interested in my shit? LOL sorry. 

         Now I’m going to have to deal with those annoying conversations. “Hey I saw you at the party and you didn’t even dance!” No way you piece of shit! You could have fucken said hello! Any ways I hate party’s. I don’t do party’s. My types of parts are no more han three people watching a movie calmly eating chips or popcorn, and forth person would make that party extreme. Again I don’t dance, I read books. Sometimes I wish I was a snail. Or some kind of animal I could curl myself up and hide away from this world. But my bed and my covers will suffice for now . 

4/29/2017

You Wait For The Perfect Outcome, But We Don’t Live In A Perfect World 

Dear Journal, 

          I had planned on going to work early today, so therefore I woke up an hour early. My alarm went off so many times that I decided to turn it off. Big mistake. I woke up with just twenty minutes left, unrealistically I thought if I hurried I would still make it in time. I got everything ready and as I was about to walk out the door I saw the clock. It takes me about thirteen to fourteen mitintes to get to work. Seeing that I only had ten, and I have yet to master freezing time, I decided just to go in at my regular time. 

          So instead here I am, writing to you. Nothing but my thoughts today. One good thing, that might just be general news, is that we have a fish tank. (And fish, of course). They are mainly mollies and guppies. Small fish. It’s a ten gallon fish tank so we can’t have any fish that will grow because eventually they will die. They aren’t that bad. The males are brighter and more colorful but can’t have more males than females because just like humans, they tire out the females. 

          Other than that I have lost a couple of pounds. I notice that my shirts aren’t that tight anymore. I can button my pants without have to suck it in. And I notice when I sit down I don’t have that much of a gut. I haven’t weighed myself yet. I think I’m scared. Scared that the scale will tell me what I feel is a lie. But I know I have to, eventually. Still my diet and fitness continue. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good about my body.

          I haven’t heard anything from my old friends. Wow, “old”, as in the past. That’s really sad. It’s crazy how you can spend so much time with people and then after a couple of months you don’t know who they are anymore. Really sad. Well they’re missing out. 

          My moms surgery is set to be in early May. I am scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Sure you wait for the perfect outcome but we don’t live in a perfect world. Still you have to hope. Hope. Sometimes I hate that word. Sometimes it’s really beautiful . I suppose it all depends in what state you’re mentally in at the time. 

           I haven’t read any new books yet. I have one on my night stand locked and ready. But I just haven’t had the chance. With working ten hours a day and Netflix being my weakness I just haven’t had enough time. I’m currently viewing about five shows which I said I would never do because I wouldn’t remember any of their plots or characters, but remember, not a perfect world. 

          Anyway, this was relaxing. I’ll smother some peanut butter on bread and eat that with my tea and go to work. Like any normal day. No one will know I intended to go earlier but it didn’t work out. That’s just life, we plan things so far ahead, and then find out that that’s not actually what is in store for us. 

4/20/2017

Monsters 

I’m sorry Journal,  

      I have been neglecting you. I want to give you an excuse and say I have been too busy, and even though that’s almost true, I really just have been putting you off. It’s really hard to be focused right now. With all my moms appointments and medical things to get ready for the surgery, from my documents on my immigration, and not to mention work. 

      First, my mom is trying to switch to a surgen she was referred to. She didn’t like the one she got. But the one that she got assigned to is the only one the insurance will cover. So now we have to go insurance hunting to see which one will cover the surgen she wants. 

       Today I went to get my fingerprints taken. No haven’t killed anyone (yet) but I guess it’s always safe to check. Everything with that went really smoothly. Fast and swell. Hopefully my work permit also comes in that fast. 

       As for work. Well there is not much I can say. There hasn’t been any new info. Although these past weeks I have been working a little over forty hours which I want to use as an excuse to say I’m tired. Today my boss mention to me before I left that, the company wants us to go in on saturdays. Yay for inventory. But I shouldn’t be sour about it. I do need the money. More than I would like to admit.  

        I hate money. I hate how it uses people. I hate how people use it. I hate how it turns people into monsters. This world is help up on money. Sad. That’s a topic for another day though. 

       Anyway, that’s pretty much it. I’ve been reading a lot of books lately, maybe I’ll get a chance to talk about them.

 

4/6/2017

It’s Just A Dream

So Journal, 

      It’s is official. I am part of a company now. Not any important or valued position of course, (mind you it’s just a warehouse). With a salary that’s close to minimum wage I won’t get any where in life, but it’s what I get for not going to college (or better said, dropping out. Or better better said, not continuing my education. That sounds less pain ful to hear). 


     Any way, the point is I have a secure job (for now) that has good benefits and nice pay. The orientation was good, not boring at all (no sarcasm intended). They provided food and drinks and a lunch so I felt really welcome. Now I’m officially an Inventory Associate. 

     But, that’s not what I really want to be doing with my life. I have always loved reading books. I love how words can transport your mind somewhere else meanwhile your body is still fixed to the real world. I love the stories and the descriptions of the writers. It’s like my own little movie in my head. The script is laid out and I’m directing it my in mind. 

     So, basically what I want to be doing (if some how I become rich) is an author. I want to write books. I want to tell stories. I want people to feel the words I place on paper and to imagine what I was painting for them. I want to touch hearts and also make people think and wonder. I want people to be hooked on what they are reading. To pick up one of my books and not be able to put it down. To write something different something unique

     I understand that it takes a lot of education to become a well enough writer. Which makes my dream really far and distant. I obviously don’t have any money to get the education I need to have “superior language skills” to be a writer. I have so many ideas I have so many stories ready to be spread amongst thousands and thousands of pieces of paper. I just don’t know how to get started. How do you make a dream into a reality , when it’s just a dream? 

     Every single book I have read it mentions how the author came from this or that university and has a masters in this and that. Never have I ever read a book from someone that just graduated high school and had a New York Times best seller. Though, maybe I can be the first one? That would be a stretch! (A very powerful, long, elástic, rubberband kind of stretch). 

     Either way I shall keep the dream alive and keep Journaling, It’s a nice vent and I love writing. 

2/21/2017