I am no professional blogger. I’m not even a professional writer. Sometimes I miss spell words or either do not use the correct ones. I hope everyone understands what I try to say though. Although writing and reading are my most favorite things to do that doesn’t mean I’m good at them.
Two weeks ago marked two years I’ve had this blog. Two years I’ve been writing and spilling all my feelings for everyone on the internet to see. Two years that I’ve had ups and downs and written about them. My good days and bad days. All my flings and romances and even current relationships. Everything. The best way to get to know the real me would be reading my blog.
This post also marks my 200th post. For me that’s a huge milestone. But also, just to think that I’ve written that many posts, or in general said so many things, so many words and letters. It’s like an accomplishment. I’ve tried having a blog before and it never worked out. But this time, for some reason, I’ve been here.
I was going to write a post about what I’ve learned from blogging or of blogging. But, if I’m honest here, I haven’t learned much. I don’t see this place as a place to get views or followers. Sure having people that will read what you right is great! But that’s not why I do what I do. I’ve learned more about myself on this blog and I have to give thanks to it for that.
For example, I’ve learned that I’m a person who likes to express their feelings. And it’s totally fine! If you don’t express yourself, this feelings get bottled up and will eventually burst out, and sometimes you can’t control or handle the way they do. And maybe you knew that, but I didn’t.
Another thing that’s been really close to my heart that I’ve learned from this blog is that there are people out there that feel the same way as I do. Sure, you knew that , but I didn’t. We live life really blinded thinking that our situation is the only one on the planet. That’s not true, maybe there are people else where going through something that is similar to you. I’ve learned that through my readers comments and I appreciate every single one. Thank you.
I honestly do wish I would have started this blog way long ago. It would have helped me in so many ways. But I’m very great full I have it now.
I have been MIA for a while now. Looking back at some of my post I forgot how good it felt to write. Better said, I forgot how good it felt to let my feelings out. So many things have happened in the lifespan of two or so months. For a short summary I can say that I now have a girlfriend, I am more religious than I once was, or have ever been, and also I have left a lot of toxic friendships in the past.
I should explain the girlfriend part. I know, it even sounds weird when I say it myself, so it must sound out of this world reading it from your point of view. How could you possibly have a girlfriend when last year all you did was brag about sleeping with men? I asked myself that question many times. So, what is my sexual orientation? I don’t even think I know now. But I do know that I very much am fond of a girl at the moment and I very do much enjoy being with her. For the least part, its been a few complicated years with my sexuality to say the least. But that’s for another day.
As for Religion. I am content. I think I hated my religion for long enough and this time instead of running away from the questions I had, I set my mind on looking for the answers. When some of them weren’t being answered to my satisfaction I did not stop, it only fueled my curiosity and it did take a while for me to find them. If you don’t believe in God I don’t blame you. You have many reasons not to. I had many reasons to hate Him. But that doesn’t mean I just stopped. I kept looking, and you should too. If you are in a religion, or you believe something and ask a question, one which they can’t answer, something is not right, I say look for the answer yourself, investigate. Don’t stop. Don’t quit. Most important don’t let go of yourfaith.
As for my friends, well I loved them to death. But in true honesty they weren’t doing me any good. Going out and spending money every week, doing thinds for no reason, I didn’t find a purpose for that. I asked myself if being around them actually made me happy. The answer was no. I felt drained. I felt as if I was the punching bag to everyone’s life. I gave them the best advice they never took. Not to mention our beliefs had changed as well. We slowly stopped having things in common. So we drifted apart. I haven’t seen them in more than three months now. Do I miss them? Just a little. Doesn’t mean I don’t have any friends. I gave my church friend a second chance after things with us got stale, and to be completely honest, I’ve never had a better friend than him. There are one or two friends I still talk to that do not share the same beliefs I do, but that’s ok. There is a certain level of understanding between us I will always cherish and hold near to my heart.
As for this blog, I miss it. I really do. I miss just ranting in general without anyone to interrupt me or roll their eyes at me. I remember when I first started this blog, I wanted it to be a place where I could speak my mind and talk freely. I would like to get back to that.
I finally took it upon myself to start my writing blog. It’s amazing how long I have procrastinated on actually writing anything in that blog. I created that blog maybe more than a year ago, and the other day I barely wrote my first post. It was more of an introduction post, but nonetheless it was a post and a first step is a first step no matter how big or small it is.
I am excited to write. Of course, I’m not a college grad or in college to say the least, but I do have a dream. So for the moment I want to practice with my imagination, which is mainly why I created the writing blog. To practice. Since my writing skills aren’t not at its best don’t expect anything that is mind blowing, or do? Who knows, maybe I’ll write something that is actually semi good. In the mean time, I’ll be here, writing.
Tomorrow is my first day back to work form my almost four week family leave. I know I will be asked so many questions regarding my absence. I’ll also have to be updated on any new things that may have changed while I was gone. It will be hectic, maybe even a little stressful, but I know I will be able to hang in there.
The thing is getting back to a normal routine. Getting back to the rhythm of things is always hard. I know this for a fact. I’ve been eating without limits, going to bed at random hours, and relaxing at home with no worries. But all this will change now that I am forced to be somewhere for eight hours a day five days a week.
Also happening tomorrow, my mom will be seeing her doctor to check up on her post surgery. She’s doing so much better and manages to get around. I’m so glad I was here to help her through everything and more than happy she is doing better and content with how the surgery went.
There’s no doubt that the end of this October will be full of new surprises and busy and new things .
On Friday one of my friends asked if I wanted to go eat sushi, of course I said yes because that’s my weakness. One of my other friends had asked if I wanted to go see a drag show and I had told her no but since I was going out for sushi might as well go full throttle on the whole night.
Sushi was great like it always is. The drag show was amazing. I loved seeing them dance and “sing” and just have fun! After that we danced on the dance floor and I had only one drink. The vibe wasn’t the same as the other club I had gone to the previous week but it was still good. We danced for a while before going home.
One the way home, my friend who knows about his blog (hey girl) and is a raver was talking about the one she’s going to this upcoming weekend. It’s called Hard Summer. I remember she’s always tried to get me to go and I’ve always lagged but since I’m in a yes kind of mood I said yes. Not to this one but one that’s called Escape.
It’s theme is Halloween. She’s planning to be Princess Peach and I’d be Luigi. (Of course a slutty darker version of them). Once I posted on social media that I was glowing I was spammed by all these people that I know are going to or that at least want to try to go and some of them in my closest circle of friends. So I really hope they can go.
On another note, yesterday I told a friend about this blog. I didn’t give her the address or a way to look it up, just simply told her that I had one. She suggested that we make one together. About us, our adventures, and our life stories. Kind of something motivational. So stay tuned for that!
I also went on a midnight date but that story well save for next time.
So right now snapchat, instagram, and Facebook are all being flooded with post about how 2017 treated people. Some are saying that it was great and some are saying how it’s the worst year yet.
For me I’m swiping through word press and see all the 2017 posts as well. People saying goodbye to this year and hello to the next.
All the while I’m in my bed just listing to music. Doing nothing special. Not drinking, not having fun. Just boring old me in my bed. Sadly I work tomorrow but over time is over time.
I messaged a friend and told him that I really did appreciate his friendship this year. Through our ups and downs. Our adventures and out boring phases . It was all fun and great and he really did make this year better.
I’m scared for 2018 honestly. Everyone says that the next year will be better but it seems to only get worse. What’s going on? I have so many questions and no one seems to want to answer them. Am I the only one who’s scared?