Almost Magical

Dear Journal,
 

          Today I woke up just minutes before my alarm clock sounded. It’s was almost magical. I woke up, turned it off before it had the chance to ring, then got dressed. I made my tea with ginger and got ready for work. I was a little early but that was a good thing. There was almost no traffic, which is weird for a Friday, but I can’t complain. Once I came to work everyone greeted me with warm smiles. You could tell on their faces that they were happy the weekend was here.

           Work was rather fast pace. I was surprised it was going that smoothly. I was off and out the door in time. The sun was hitting in a way that made everything look beautiful. Spring. The car ride home was warm and full of music from my favorite playlist. I got home and my mom had made a nice dish which still makes my mouth water at the thought. I read a little before taking a quick shower. Got settled in bed and fell asleep.

          Of course, all this sounds way too good to be true. That’s because it is. None of these things actually happened. But I wish it were like that. I think we all wish it was like that. We all wish to wake up and have a good day, or maybe hope it will be good.

          What actually happened? Yes I woke up, obviously, but not before my alarm clock. It rang and my ears almost bled. I laid there wanting to go back to sleep but also  knowing that I had an obligation. An obligation I wish I didn’t have. After loosing all that time I had almost no time to get ready. Got in my car and had only about less than fifteens to get to work. I made it. One minute late, which will cost me .25 of a point. Great. No one said hi, or seemed to notice my presence.

          After I settled into work, it was hectic. Not over the top crazy, but enough to not want to be there. Someone at work asked if I was tired, I asked them why? They answered, “your face looks tired.” Well  thanks, that’s really motivating.  Went home thirty minutes after i was supposed to and showered. It was nice to see my mom. After the shower I went for a run, don’t know how long but my muscles are sore so must have been a while. Now I shall sleep, I agreed to work at four AM because who needs a social life right?
 

4/7/2017

 

Being An Adult

Dear Journal,

     It has been a rough week. Every single morning I wake up and it’s the same thing, I wish death upon me. I don’t know what it is. I wake up feeling so bad about life. All I want to do is stay in bed all day. I don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything. I’m surprised I even make it out of bed.

     The bright side to this (if there is any), is that when I do get up, and a couple or so hours go on during the day I start to feel better. I know, “well then you’re not a morning person.” Well yes, maybe, that could be true but it’s not. See, journal, when I was younger and I didn’t have the knowledge that the world was so fucked up I was happy. Ignorance is bliss.

It sounds like a dumb phrase but its the most truthful thing I have ever come to experience. The definition of ignorance is “lack of knowledge or information”. In other words. What you don’t know wont hurt you, because technically if you don’t know what’s hurting you you’re not getting hurt. (What an explanation ).

     For example, when we are young, we have no clue how the world actually works. That’s the lack of knowledge, correct? Where is the bliss part? In the not knowing. We don’t worry about bills, or car payments, debt, or financial problems because we don’t even know they exist yet. That’s why kids are always so freaking happy! They aint got no bills yo!

     Anyway, I had a point but I lost it. I hate being an adult, maybe that’s the point. We are all so caught up in growing up so fast because we want to be free but in reality, we are all slaves. Slaves to our jobs, slaves to our rent or mortgage, to pills, to anything you have to give money to. The world is not like it once was where I give you an apple and you give me half a cup of milk. Now its all about money. I’m tired of being an adult, if this is what “being an adult” feels like I don’t think I want to be one any more. I’m going to stop here Journal because if I keep blabbering about how much adulthood sucks I might not stop.

 im-done-adult-ing-for-the-rest-of-the-day-80a5a

2/2/2017