This past Monday I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain. For all you oldies or people that only read books, it’s an amusement park with extreme rides. I had a blast and I really enjoyed my time there. You think that time would fly by but it actually didn’t. It dragged on and it felt great. I actually never felt that way. And if I had, it has been a real long since i can’t remember.
I thought it was going to be packed and the lines were going to be long but it was the total opposite. The most we waited was 25 minutes and that was only because it was the last ride of the day and everyone was getting on it.
I went with my best friend. Yes, best friend. I consider him my best best friend now. We have been getting real close lately. I have been more open with him and so has he. Told him I’m gay? No. I don’t think we are there yet. I don’t think we will ever get there. But he never asks so maybe he knows already? Wouldn’t that be swell.
When I came back to real life on Tuesday I had vacation sickness . Like you know when you are away from home and you miss home, so you’re homesick. So I came back from a mini day-cation. So I was day-cationsick. Which sucked because I really just wanted to be happy but coming back it’s like uuuuhhhhg you know?
But it’s been slowly fading. I’m just now coming back down from the high of excitement I was on. That’s the thing with me. I can be so high and then come crashing down all at once or stay up there for the longest time so then when I do come down it’s just terrible.
In other news I might quit my call center job. It has me stressed. Although I have been liking the expensive life, that might need to stop though.
I have a rant. If you don’t wont to hear it then the door is right there *points to the door*.
OK, so lately I think working two jobs is getting to me. I have been more stressed and have been more worn out. I have been feeling down. I think I need time to myself, time to go far far away with my thoughts and just think.
One of my greatest problems is giving my all to people and it seems that I never get back half of what I give. I feel so unappreciated. I feel unwanted. I do feel needed but only to be used for other people’s purpose.
I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of always complaining. I’m tired of always playing the victom. Why can’t I for once be the one with the perfect life. Why can’t I be satisfied with what I have. I like to think I am happy with the things I do and the things that I own, but I don’t, and I don’t want more. Possessions is not what I desire. Its peace. Its time. It’s just the feeling of being ok. But how can I have those things when all I feel is empty.
I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but when lonely comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do except roll out the red carpet and let it in.
So two weeks ago I downloaded tinder. Don’t know why, ‘just cause’ could be a concrete answer really. Since I decided to give up on Love, I went the hoe route. Sleeping with random strangers.
In all honesty, no I don’t feel bad. When had a little fun hurt anyone? Ok maybe not the best example but still.
And hey, I work two jobs, pay all my bills and rent, take care of my family, put food in the fridge, and I’m generally a nice person. So who’s to say I can’t be a hoe once in a while? No one. You try to walk in my shoes see how long you last.
Along with being filthy, I’ve also been going out a lot. Getting closer with a friend. He doesn’t know I’m gay but that never comes up. Nor do I have the need to tell him . Does he know? Does it matter?
Any way this is my 100 post and I was going to do the whole thank you a and what I’ve learned about blogging but I’ll save that for later since I have to save time for hoeing around.
Change is good. I like change. But what happens when the change turns your world upside down? When you get stuck in the moment and have to realize what’s going on before you can take that one step in the right direction.
I work in logistics. In simple terms, a Warehouse. It’s not glamorous. But it’s not a piece of shit place either. I like it. Not small but not too big. I like what I do.
I was just recently promoted to a position that has more responsibilities but isn’t too complicated or stressing. Everything was working out fine. But business is business. It’s cut throat or get cut. Live or die. And I’ve been dying.
Today they moved someone from another department to mine. And recently they brought in a supervisor form another site in to mine as well. Both will be training to be my bosses.
How do you train someone to be your boss? It’s not fair. Why can’t I just have the position. Or why didn’t they just leave the guy where he was. Everything was cool. Everything was fine.
Now it’s not.
My mind switches sides from teaching them everything I know to trying to keep things to myself to still be valuable. Because once everyone knows what you know who’s to say they they still need you? You are replaceable by the snap of a finger.
Business is business. I shouldn’t take things personal. This is the way it usually works. When it’s not you it’s someone else. Life isn’t fair. Do I have to lie to make my way through life? Are there things I’m doing wrong? Friends I do not have in high places? Asses that aren’t being kissed?
Well, excuse me but I don’t play fake. I don’t play games. I don’t beg.
Let my work speak for itself, and they can’t hear it. I’ll find someone who will.