Don’t Give Up

            I feel like this long three-day weekend went by way to fast. I didn’t even get to do much. Time is slipping away from my fingers and I don’t know what to do about it.


            First, Saturday and Sunday I attended a Jehovah Witness assembly, (yes, I am JW). Shocking. It was titled, ‘Don’t Give Up’. It was actually pretty interesting. I do agree with most of the things they teach. They are good people. But some of the things, well mainly one, I can’t help but oppose. That’s a story for a differant day.

            Anyway, Saturday I needed to go buy something and so I checked my account and it had said that I had made purchases at three Circle K’s around town. Which I had not. I had to call my credit card and figure out what was going on. They told me I had to fax them proof that I was actually who I said I was. I did that the very next day (yesterday). Now I just have to ait for a call.

            Today, Memorial day, I went for an early run at Mount Rubidoux. The sun hadn’t come out too strong which let me stay out for a longer while. As I was climbing up I saw a colorful poster on a traffic sign. It was for a color run.

            I have always wanted to participate in one of those so I took a picture of the poster to sign up. My life hasn’t been in the happiest place recently so I thought this could help. Anything really, can actually help right now. I told a friend and he said he would do it.

            We researched what it was about and the money goes 100% to charity. The best part is that it is organized by Immigration Law Offices of Hadley Bajramovic. This made me extremely happy. The run supports diversity and unity in the community.

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So we signed up and are ready to have fun. Maybe life will treat me better if I have a new perspective about it? Who knows. I just can’t wait to get blasted by colors. I just wish this weekend was longer.

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New Hobbies 

Dear Journal, 

         This weekend by far has been one of the best weekends I have had in a while. It went by so fast I didn’t have enough time to blink. Now, usually that would bug me because I am a home body. I like to be alone, with my snacks, Netflix , snuggled up in bed. But this weekend was anything but that. 

          First, one Saturday, I woke up super early to go to work. Yes, work. I didn’t mind. I woke up really refreshed, no joke. They had donuts and later on pizza for everyone that had gone, as a thank you. It took so much of me to say no to both. (P.s. I’m on a healthy diet now, and I’m a full on  runner and health nerd). My coworkers ate and ate while I ate my grapes. 

         After work I came home and took a nap. It was maybe less than half an hour but it helped. I had planned to start a garden so I headed over to the Home Depot. Bought some soil and also plants. Tomato, strawberry, cantaloupe, and watermelon. I want to plant more but we’ll see. From there I went hiking and I gave it my all! I went up and did two loops around the top, or was it three? I’m not sure, I just felt energized after. My feet hurt but in the good way, you know? 

         The next day (Sunday), I woke up with a mission. I prepared the ground where my garden was going to be so in the afternoon I could plant my new babies. It took me an hour to fix everything up but I was well over satisfied. After that I ate breakfast and went on my way to Petco. My friends brother gave me a fish tank so I had to get the filter and other necessities that go along so he could also give me some fish he doesn’t want, (he’s building a pond at his house so he’s giving away his smaller fish). 

          When I was done installing everything in the tank I turned it on and the sound it made was just lovely. Like a mini waterfall. Reminds of my childhood for a sec. I had a fish tank grouping up. 

          Once the sun had come down enough for me to plant my new friends I went outside and got the soil and the plants ready. They went in with no problem. They looked cute together in the ground. They had their own respective places good enough for their nutrients and space. I’m excited about them. Can you tel!? 

          Now at the end of my Sunday it all seems sour because I have to go back to the work routine. But I’m walking into this week just maybe an ounce happier than I’ve been the last couple of weeks. But hopefully my new found hobbies (running, planting, and fish?) keep my mind busy and bring me some kind of light to my life.

4/9/2017

Get My Body Back

Oh boy Journal,

      These past days have gone by really fast, I haven’t even had time to write! (Or have I just been lazy?)  But nevertheless, last Friday was like any other Friday, the only difference was I got a company check this time, (not some crummy agency check). Plus I got an employee badge with my picture on it. Honestly I don’t know why that makes me so happy, but it does.

      Saturday was normal just as one is. I did go running with a friend. He really knows how to keep up for someone who doesn’t run on the regular. (Oh, by the way, I started running/jogging every day). I’m taking my health really seriously. Like those crazy healthy people who weirdly know how much calories are in every single edible thing (how do they do that? Let alone, why?)
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      We ran a good four miles that day and I felt really good. But once I was at home, I felt like I was dying. I felt like I fell off a cliff and rolled the four miles instead of ran. Sunday morning came around and wasn’t any nicer. I felt like my neck was as thin as a string and it was hard to keep it up. My feet hurt with every single step (even when they were carefully and strategically taken). I stayed in bed watching TV. I would doze off at times but then come up for air because I felt the “string” holding up my head was on the inside of my throat and it was getting more and more tighter as I breathed.

      Once I calmed down (drama queen), I drank some water and made some tea (fancy). Then I thought maybe a nice little bath would make my body fellt good. So I bought some Tylenol and some relaxing bath bubbles and went home to enjoy myself. That worked, while I was in it. But as soon as I got out I felt the same. Took one extra pill then feel asleep. Woke up maybe around three AM and decide just to stay up. I was just rolling in bed so thought that  was no good.

      I went to work and everything seemed fine. It hurts to swallow and the pain comes and goes. Once I got home my mom told me to go to the doctor before I go worse. Which I did (hesitantly). The Doc said its a respiratory virus. I should be good in some days if I just take care of myself and drink a lot of fluid and vitamins.

      He prescribed some cough syrup which kind of worked? I mean I haven’t coughed, so. I just want it to be over. I lost four pounds last week and I feel so motivated this week till this happened. I want to go back out there and hit it. Get my body back (Zac Efron). I’ve never been “slim” but I feel this will be the year or so help me I will drown myself in Ice cream and paddle my way as far away as I can with my barbecue chips as paddles straight out of human civilization. 
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3/6/17

Can’t Afford The Dollar Menu

Journal,

     Yesterday was really hectic. I had so many things to do the day seemed never-ending. I woke up like any other normal day (and that says something because my days are anything but normal).I felt comfortable in my bed watching TV then I remembered I had to be somewhere. I had less than twenty minutes to get ready, drive, and be there.

     I had to be at my insurance (State Farm) because they refinanced my car, so now I will be paying it off way sooner and they provide free GAP Coverage (thank you). After that I had to drive to Car Max to cancel the GAP Coverage I had with them. Hopefully I get some money back, that would be more than nice. Mean while I’m busy doing all that stuff I’m also messaging one of my friend’s (we call her Momo, and I met her at my old job we literally only hanged out a few times but when we talk we just get each other, like we talk to each other every day).

     I was telling her how I stood up my other friends (the ones which I actually do or did hang out with). I felt horrible for not going and not even letting them know that I wasn’t going to show up. She told me to just tell them. To call them and explain whats going on. But I just can’t.


     Its different. I told her over the phone that when I talk to her she understands what I’m going through at least tries to, but with them, well one of them (Jen) she listens to what I say but then brushes it off like it’s no big deal. She changes the conversation so we don’t have to deal with my problems. That’s not what friends do. They help you find solutions. They don’t tell you that “its going to be ok” and then start talking about their favorite anime show.


     It’s sad because I love them with all my heart but who wants a friend that never has money to go out? Who wants a friend that is always complaining about their problems? They always like to go out. They have Disney annual passes! And I’m over here barely making my monthly car payments. Like, who wants to hang out with a person that can’t even afford the dollar menu?

     That problem isn’t salved yet, but at least I went to renew my work permit and everything is looking like its going to be approved (thank god). After that I agreed to go to Mount Rubidoux every Saturday. One of my church friends said he’d join in for moral support. Yet he still eats out with his family. This is my fight any ways right?

     Side note, my mom went out with her ex-boyfriend last night. I don’t know what to think about that. She said its just a friendly dinner. Yet, she cam home with new clothes and a bottle Brandy. Things in my life can not be any more complicated. (Jinxed that).

     Anyway, this Journal entry is just a mess. I don’t even know what half of what I said was but there you, you’re welcome.

2/26/2017

Donnie Downer

So Journal,

Right after the Wallflower post, I got a call from a friend I have been ignoring because she is so happy about life and I honesty can’t stand that, (because obviously I hate life and black is my favorite color and I wake up to My Chemical Romance every day). -Not true-

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I told her everything I have been going through and she really did understand because she has kind of a similar back story that I do, that’s why we have maintained our friendship for so long. She basically told me to stop being a Donnie Downer (AKA the male version of Debbie Downer. She’s not wrong, I have been focusing on everything that is going bad in my life and that’s really not mentally healthy.

After telling me that I should be less bitchy about life in a nice way she really did help me feel better. The day after, (Friday) I was supposed to go to other friends house. I hadn’t seen these friends since Christmas because of their schedules. But it was raining so hard that I decided to call that off and just stay home in case, you know, we flooded and died. I’m scared to see them since we have grown apart since I quit my last job where I met them both. They still work there but I couldn’t stand it there so I quit.

Anyway, Saturday was fun! I got an oil change for my car and also went out to eat with the family at this cool taco place in Riverside call Tio’s Tacos. It’s a cool place with great food. The environment is really friendly and the way they used trash to make everything is really creative (the art not the food, yaa nasty). Sure, some of the things are freaky and border line creepy (like the dolls and stuffed animals hanging from the trees), but that’s what makes it unique and I just love that.

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I passed this place more than a couple of times until one friend took me there after her jury duty. It was nice, at the end of summer so super romantic. This time it was really peaceful and my mother really enjoyed it. My brother was the one that wanted to go to this other place closer to home because the “tacos are bigger there.” Which in his defense yes they probably are but I wanted a torta.

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Then we went widow shopping and another friend texted me to  hang out, (I know it sounds like I have a lot of friends but it’s just like two or four of them I swear and basically I only see them once a moth so calm down, I’m not a friend whore).

We ended up eating a full box of pop corn while watching Keeping Up With the JonesesIt’s a pretty funny movie. Really generic and cliché though. New neighbors move in, the most normal and boring neighbors are suspicious of them. Which later gets them in trouble by finding out their new neighbors are actually spies and they get involved in the mission.

Now, as the weekend is coming to an end I feel that it was a nice weekend. No one died, (yet). We have food in our fridge for now and a roof over our heads so I should be grateful for that. I appreciate what I have and I am thankful. Thank you God. (Or universe, higher power, faith and hope, or anything that was involved).

Tomorrow (after seven months) the company that I work for will finally hire me. So I will no longer be a temp, I will be a real associate. I will finally feel like I actually work there. Not to mention the ten-cent raise, yay. *Throws confetti in the air* I’ll let you know how it goes Journal, for now before I sleep I shall watch a couple of episodes of New Girl to cheer me up. She is my soul mate!

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2/19/2017