Target, If You’re Reading This Please HIRE ME

I was thinking about considering getting a second job. Well, better said, I have already been considering getting another job. Well, better better said, I already applied to various jobs. Yesterday I went home and applied to a few just like I had on Monday.

I don't have a preference, I just want to work. I would like a part time because I already work 40 hours a week therefore if I would get another job then it would have to be maybe around 20 hours or so. Sounds like I'm being interview right now.

Anyway, the reason being I got bills and they ain't getting paid. Since my mom can't work and my brother is so unmotivated to help, I, like most of the time, have to do it all. Plus I want to save money just for emergencies, because you never know.

So I applied to Target, Walgreens, some fast food restaurants, and Dollar tree. If I had to choose which one I really wanted I would choose Target. I love Target. If I need anything or everything that's where I go. Don't really know why. Maybe it's the people? The environment? How clean and nice everything looks? That it has a Starbucks? I think it might be the last one.

So Target, if you're reading this, HIRE ME. Please. But it's cool if you don't. I will be heart broken but still shop at your stores. But I will keep applying with persistence don't think I won't!

Since my mom can't drive her car, she lent it to a friend so it wouldn't just be sitting there. And since she's driving it, the friend, did the oil change with a well known friend of ours. He also told her to change the motor air filter which she did and that the car needed new spark plugs. She told me and I said ok let's buy them. Even though she's driving the car I didn't make her pay them all herself. I know she's going through a hard time too right now so why make it harder?

The smog is do before October so hopefully we get it all done by then. My mom wants her to pay for it since she's driving it but it's still our car. Do you see how nice I am? The car is in great condition so it will most likely pass.

Tomorrow I take my mom see the oncologist finically. He'll tell us everything about the cancer and tell us how much chemo my mom will need. I'm hopping for good news.

Other than that nothing else has happened. My life is kind of boring except when bad things happen. If my life was a movie it would win an Oscar for best Drama.

Hole In The Bag

            So, it has been a week since my mother’s surgery and I can say she’s doing really well. It’s nice to see her smiling and laughing . A lot of her church friends have come to lend they’re support and to also bring food and what not. I’m great full for that. The elders from the congregation have not yet came to see her which I think that’s pretty fucked up. If you are supposed to take care of your “flock” and one of your “sheep” is hurting and needs words of encouragement they are the ones that should be here first . But then again this congregation is full of hypocrisy. But which one isn’t right? That’s the definition of religion. 

            Tomorrow I return to work but only for a couple of hours since I have to take my brother to the doctor and then later also my mom for her check up . I was planning on going back on Thursday and Friday but I feel That I should also take those to days off and just start a fresh new week next week. I know I’m the sole provider but I really want to be here for my mom. 

             I had a mini fight with (my only church/real life friend) which left me feeling guilty . We have a visit at church from someone important and he wanted me to go. I told him I wanted to stay home with my mom. But he took it soon himself to call some people so they would take care of my mom and I would go. That made me upset because it’s not his decision weather I go to church of not. Yes, he’s probably worried about my spiritually but still. He apologized and we said good night. And that was the end of it. 

            After that I felt like I just didn’t have anyone who really understood me. So what do you do when you have only one friend and your mad at that friend so you literally can’t talk to anyone about your problems? You go online and you talk to strangers. Look, it was late and I was irritated, at the moment it sounded like the best idea. And I actually found some guy who lives in Mississippi. Not that that’s close by but still. We talked for two hours then I fell asleep. I haven’t talked to him yet today but maybe later on. Again, I’m usually not the one who reaches out first. 

            I’m feeling overwhelmed just a little bit I can’t let that get to me right now. I just have to find a way to distract myself from everything that’s going on or else my marbles will be lost. 

Pity Party 

             My birthday is just a couple of weeks away and I could not be any less excited. Don’t get me wrong, another year has gone by and I’m still here, yay for me. Well, my birthday lands two days after my moms surgery, or my moms surgery lands two days before my birthday. Don’t really know how I would frase that. 

             Either way that whole sentence in its fullness sound ridiculous. Yes, I could say that if everything goes well with the surgery, I could celebrate while on my birthday. But I’ll be taking care of my mom then, so no time to drop it as if it was hot. Plus I don’t like to party. Dance? Only in private or in the shower. Sing? In the car, or in the shower. Drink? Only mixed and sweat please. . .and in the shower.  

             I know as the days go by my mood is changing for the better. I’m just waiting for this roller coaster to go up, way up, then come crashing down again. But, we’ll see. Time will tell. 

             One of my long time acquaintances said we should get together since we have the same birth month. I agreed seeing as I haven’t seen her for about seven months and I need some socialization before I retreat back into my shell. She’s really nice and even though I’ve been pushing everyone away she’s always been bugging and bugging me to talk to her. I appreciate that very much. So maybe I’ll see her Thursday. If one of us doesn’t flake. 

             My other friends. Eli and Jenny said we should do something for my birthday. I haven’t seen Jenny in six months now, doesn’t even know what the fuck is going on in my life. Eli, I saw her maybe a month ago, and told her what’s going on. I had expected her to understand. But she seems to have forgotten because she never really asks me how my mom has been doing. I told them that I didn’t want to waste their time. Of course, like any friend, they mechanically said that wasn’t the case. Eventually I stopped responding to the group text. 

Maybe I’ll though my own party, I’ll cry and laugh about my problems.

             Though, I don’t need a fucken cake or balloons. I don’t need presants or gifts. I need support. I need comfort. I need reassurance. I understand they want to have fun but, yo, I got problems, and finding how to celebrate my birthday isn’t one. I was going to tell them, but then they would have thought that I wasn’t that appreciative of them, since they were so “thoughtful”, but I didn’t. They probably think that anyway. One day they will know the difference. I miss them. I miss the old me too. Life goes on. 

             Talked to my brother about him being more responsible. He said he would try. We’re all in this together. Told him I didn’t want to end up like one of those distant families that are all torn apart. 

             One of my friends (or the one friend I have) from church says he wants to go to the surgery for support. That’s what I’m talking about! But yet I feel like he still hides stuff from me. I mean we’re not dating but still friends tell each other everything right? Maybe I can’t be pleased? Who knows. 

             Tomorrow I’m going out of town for work related training. It’s about three towns over. Sounds like I live in deserted place, but I swear it’s SoCal. 

Anyway that’s enough of me mumbling about what’s going on. I’ll mumble some more later. 

Work In Progress 

            I took a nap late in the afternoon and now I can’t sleep. So, hello Internet, what’s good? 

             Well, after last week I didn’t know if I would be going to work this week. (Immigration issues). I didn’t want to write about it until I knew I was for sure going to stay. I talked to Jose and he said all the paperwork was sent to HR and if it was important they would have responded so he’s just going to leave it like that. Better for me! 

             Plus, he said were not doing anything wrong. It’s not like it’s fraud or anything. My application was submitted, it was accepted, and now I just need my work permit to arrive. It’s taking awhile. Thanks Trump. *Rolls eyes* 

             Speaking of Jose I also talked to him about my moms surgery. Not a lot of people at work know about it. Just him my supervisor and a close coworker. It’s official. It will be June 27th.

             Yes, I’m nervous and scared but I’m hopping for the best. I asked for that day plus the rest of the week off. And seeing that July the Forth is the following Tuesday (and we have it off) I asked for Monday off as well. He said it was cool. He even asked if I needed more time off. I said that was enough, I do need to pay bills. We will have some help from family and friends. No doubt that this summer will be overwhelming to say the least but I just want my mom to get better. 

             I apologized to Gabriel for not going to his graduation party. He said it was ok, that there was no need to apologize. He knows me and knows that I’m not much of a talker. I have to trust and know you 100% to let my feelings out. Or else I’m the equivalent to a rock. Though, I need to stop doing that. Saying I’ll go somewhere and not show up. I should at least say something. Work in progress I suppose. 

             I have been watching a lot of videos about shin splints. (Leg injuries). I really want my legs to get better so I can continue to run. There is so much that has to do with your leg muscles and all that stuff. How to run right, step right, the right shoes, and even having sturdy hips. Who knew? I’ll work on it though. Need to get back to running as fast as I can. 

              I’ve also been working on some posts. Letters mainly. I can’t send them to the people that they are written for but I feel getting it out there is a start. Maybe someday I’ll tell them that I have a blog? I have also been working on my own story. Mainly like a miniseries of posts about my main struggles. It’s dark and it’s taking me a while. But I feel good after it’s out there, written down and I’m not carrying it with me. Make sense? Maybe. But for now I shall sleep.

Good night Internet. 
              

             

We Are All Humans 

            Today at work they showed us a couple of vidoes. Due to the fact that it’s diversity week they wanted to emphasize that just the type of our skin isn’t what makes us diverse, it’s also where we come from, how we grew up, and the obsticles that we have to overcome in life. 

            One of the videos was about a boy named Owen Howkins. He has a rare muscle condition that has only been known to affect 33 people in the whole world. It’s such a heart warming story of him and his dog. How they help each other out and gave one another a brighter day. A new look on life. So in other words, diversity includes all of us. We have to learn to accept everyone. We are all humans. And we all want the same thing, to be accepted

            I got teared up when I watched the video. It’s sad to say that many people thought it was a waste of time, saying how that company time would have worked better for them if they were actually working. Those people make me angry. We need to learn about others, share ideas, grow! How can we understand the rest of the human race if we have don’t know what they go through? Even in our own race. There are things that we don’t go through. Things that we do and they don’t. By sharing and getting to know one another we came help each other out. But my coworkers are very closed minded people I suppose. 

                                  •••

            The rest of the day was better. Tomorrow I’m going to an all day assembly at church again. I missed last Friday so my mom, my brother, and a friend (Gabriel), and I are going tomorrow. Should be nice. 

            Saturday I have the color run with Gabriel. Then I have an eye exam. I need new glasses now. I have no clue how the hell I’m  seeing through these. They are all scratched and blurry. It’s actually a miracle I can see through them at all. 

            I was invited to a party… well, a youth party. One of the teen girls from church is having one at her house. Seeing as I’m shy and antisocial I don’t know if I’ll go. She’s 19 and very loud. I don’t do loud. I do board games and fancy lemonade. So I don’t know if I’ll go. Unles Gabriel convices me. But we all know how that ended last time

            Sunday will be a chill day and I’ll wait and find out what it has in store. Each day has its own worries so why worry about the next?