Strangers

I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but when lonely comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do except roll out the red carpet and let it in.

So two weeks ago I downloaded tinder. Don’t know why, ‘just cause’ could be a concrete answer really. Since I decided to give up on Love, I went the hoe route. Sleeping with random strangers.

In all honesty, no I don’t feel bad. When had a little fun hurt anyone? Ok maybe not the best example but still.

And hey, I work two jobs, pay all my bills and rent, take care of my family, put food in the fridge, and I’m generally a nice person. So who’s to say I can’t be a hoe once in a while? No one. You try to walk in my shoes see how long you last.

Along with being filthy, I’ve also been going out a lot. Getting closer with a friend. He doesn’t know I’m gay but that never comes up. Nor do I have the need to tell him . Does he know? Does it matter?

Any way this is my 100 post and I was going to do the whole thank you a and what I’ve learned about blogging but I’ll save that for later since I have to save time for hoeing around.

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You And Me

I thought of you today

Did you think of me?

The way your hair smells

The way you hold me

Laughter over music

Food over day dreams

Love so pure

Hands so soft

You and me

I miss your face

I miss you every day

Are you on your way?

Here to stay?

Take me there

Together well roam

Far away

We’ll build our home

You and me

I wake up

Foggy but still

Thinking of you

You’re not here

Empty bed

Lonely thoughts

Here I go

On my own

You and me

There is no more

Only in my brain

Have you stayed

Walked out the door

You were fake

It wasn’t fate

Just my imagination

What a conclusion

You and me

There Is No Love

I officially give up on love.

Let me explain. I have been on the quest for love ever since I can remember. Maybe since I was 17 years old. I would go in dating sites and talk to guys but would never actually meet up with them. I would never send the first message I was such a wimp.

Later on I decided dating apps weren’t for me but I would always go back to them once in a while. If I felt lonely I would download them. If I wanted love I would download them. It was an on and off kind of feeling.

Until recently I decided I was going to get love if I had to beg for it. So I downloaded some apps instead of waiting to get messaged I would sent out the first messages. I would get dates here and there but most of them just turned into sex rather than love.

It was all fun and games for a while but what I was really after I was not getting. And I wasn’t about to waste my time the limited time I have to just be people’s sex toy.

But it seems that everyone is only interested in sex. It’s such a stereotype in the gay community. It’s a bad rep. Really bad. And I’m tired of all of it.

I felt really pathetic when I looked back on all the apps I had download over the years. I took a count and it came up to 17 apps. Not counting the ones I download twice or up to three times.

I say this every time I’m downloading anymore apps. But I always go back no matter what. But this time it’s for reals.

No matter how I feel, I will not download those apps again. There are no more to download.

There is no more to say.

There is no love.

Swiper, No Swiping

I did it. I mean I really did it.

I deleted all my dating apps. I only had them for about two weeks but they were starting to take over my life.

Wake up, swipe, eat, swipe, drink, swipe, sleep, swipe. There was just too much swiping. I was getting matches left and right not to toot my own horn or anything.

They were mainly for hook ups but I did have some cool conversations with some of them. Even added them on social media .

But since I’m looking for love and I was not seeing a hint of that I had to let it go. I don’t think I believe in apps for relationships anymore. I don’t think I ever did I just really wanted it to happen. And it didn’t so my theory was proven right.

I always felt like dating through apps was too mechanical. As if you are trying too hard to find love. Love is supposed to happen just because right? Not on some app with some stranger that just happened to swipe right because he was like “eh he ok.”

So now I’m open to what ever. A friend says they have someone in mind for me , show me. If we happen to cross each other’s path then so be it. But I’m just really tired of trying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Say Goodbye To Your Little Friend

Ok y’all, we need to talk about something NSFW. It’s about dick pics. Yes, the unsettling picture of a males genitals in full screen on your phone.

Never did I think I was going to be the victim of such a disgusting fad. But seeing as I had downloaded some dating apps it’s a wonder why I am so shocked that I have.

So that guy that I was supposed to see on Saturday (who mysteriously lost his phone for like 4 days) sent me a good morning picture or should I say a wood morning picture.

I open the picture in the hopes that he would apologize for not responding to me for like 84 years but no, god no. He thought that sending a picture of his little friend would make up for everything. Ew no, like, say goodbye to your little friend for me will ya? What kind of world are we living in where this is ok?

Ok yes I’m gay. Ok yes that is a physical part on a man that I am attracted to once in a while but NO I do not want to see that all up in my phone right when I wake up. I’m like we haven’t even met Dude. Buy me a coffee first or something. Excuse the pun but, how Cocky do you have to be to do that? Do you really think that your little guy is so extraordinary that you need people to see it as soon as they wake up?

I responded to him with “idk what I’m supposed to do with that,” and he responded with a smart ass dirty comment. At this point I’m almost done with dating. I can’t find a guy who will just say, “hey my name is Prince Charming and I liked your bio, we should have coffee.” Is that too much to ask?