Yesterday was my twenty-fourth birthday. I don’t usually celebrate it at all because of my religion and if or when I do or did it was never on my actual birthday. This time it was different because I did it in the exact day and it was a blast.
Me and a couple of friends headed to the beach. Malibu to be exact. I love the beach. There’s something about hearing the waves crash on the shore and then get carried back to the ocean is just so relaxing.
Being with friends and just being surrounded with positive vibes felt great. I don’t feel twenty-four yet. I barley even felt the age that I was before. This birthday was the best birthday I’ve ever had.
After the beach we finished our day off at IHOP or IHOB, what ever it’s called now. They have pretty great burgers and fries honestly. My day was great. I really loved it.
This feeling is bliss has to remain in me for a couple of more days.
It’s 2018 in case you hadn’t noticed. Discrimination and hate are still thriving and it looks like it’s only going south.
I’m gay. I’ve always known. I don’t come off as gay. Maybe one you get to know me you’ll ask yourself, maybe he is or isn’t? But what is it to you? Unless you want to ask for my number and ask me on a date or have someone in mind for me to date, what good is it for you to know my sexuality?
Let say you know what my sexuality is. Are you going to use that as a joke to make other people laugh? Are you going to make me feel bad for it? Ashamed? Are you going to make my work environment hostile? Will I wake up every morning not wanting to go to work afraid of the new joke you’ll have to make everyone else crack up along with you?
Well listen here you motherfucking inconsiderate bigot. You hurt my feelings for the last time. You made me doubt my sexuality and even my life for the last time. Because of your intolerance and prejudice I have suffered for too long and this time I’m speaking out. I’m not letting you win.
Last week I went to a birthday party. One of my friends said it was going to be small but it wasn’t. Nothing but small. I saw people from high school, people I didn’t know, and people from my old job. Some people sure I was happy to see and reconnect with but forgets I didn’t even turn on their direction.
That’s not the point though. The point is that’s there was alcohol and shit hit the fan. I was hanging out with a couple of my favorite friends, or the usual group I hang out with. Yes, we were drinking and there were shots and mixed drinks and all that fun stuff to pass the time. For me as long as you having fun and not causing trouble sure drink up.
But then, there always has to be a but then doesn’t there? Well, one of my friends and I went it the bathroom. Lest call her Mona. Mona and I were in the bathroom when we got a text from Jenna (yeah we’ll call my other friend Jenna). She was informing us that our other friends (married couple) were arguing and fighting and that we should come back. So we hurried up and went back and sure enough they were.
The wife was crying while pushing away from her husband and we were just there trying to walk to our seats through the thick awkwardness. We had never seen them like that. They had always been that couple that wouldn’t stop showing how in love they were. And now? They were that couple that gets drunk and fights at parties.
We decided it was time to leave. So we left and we left hungry. We pulled up to a McDonald’s and ordered food. I was with the husband and the girls had gone in another car. When the husband went to the other car he left behind a bottle of vodka he had stolen from the party. Not only that, he started to piss behind my other friends car. His wife surely felt really embarrassed.
We got our food and sat outside our cares in the parking lot once again. This time he started through it all his trash on the floor and around the parking lot. I had to clean it all up just so they wouldn’t call the cops on us. He thought it was the most hilarious thing on the planet. That’s when I called it a night.
Anyways now knowing this mini back story, let me inform you that I’ll be going tot the beach for my birthday this Friday. The same friends were going. I told them I don’t want alcohol at the beach because things might get out of hand. They were all fine with it. Then he said he’d take his stash. No I don’t want weed there either. So then he was kind of upset but he still said that it was ok.
The next day he texted everyone in the group text that he wanted mimosas. I clearly told him no alcohol. Why was he asking again? Was this a joke to him? I had a gut feeling that if I didn’t tell him something he would smuggle in some drinks and pull them out later and there would be nothing I could do at that point.
So I texted him that if he couldn’t handle not having alcohol at the beach then maybe he shouldn’t go. Superarlo he took that in the worst way possible and left our group chat and also removed me from all social media.
So when something doesn’t go your way you just block them out of your life? That’s real mature dude.
That’s enough drama for now. But there will be more.
Friendships are one of the hardest things to explain.
If someone asked you, how do you define friendship? What would you say? Depending on your age there would be a variety of answers. Some definitions would be very common. Sometimes friendship, or your definition of friendship might depend on the person whom you are friends with.
The only way I can describe friendship is, hard. For me it’s not an easy thing. It’s not something I can do naturally without thinking. Sure, I am nice to everyone and of course I am always there for my friends. But, sometimes its just not about you. It’s about everyone else, or in this case your friend.
Forgiveness is a big part of friendship. It is something that can either make or break your friendship. Everyone, and I do mean everyone will make mistakes in their life, including you and your friends. Sometimes those mistakes can ruin everything, but only if you let them.
I have a friend I almost lost. I asked him to be there for me when I was at my worst. I didn’t see that he himself also needed help. He was stressed and over whelmed and I was over here trying to add more weight to his shoulders? I don’t blame him for not being able to find the correct words to say to me in my time of need. He himself did not know how to manage his own demons.
Do I forgive him? I do now. At first, I wondered how could someone forgive another person after letting them know what they were feeling and that person not help? But did I really tell him how I felt? No. I never said anything. So, who really is in the wrong?
But time really does heal old wounds. This year has taught me many things about friendship. It’s one of the most best feelings in the world as well as the worst pain someone can have. There’s love and hate, but though and through love prevails.
I asked myself, am I really going to let my friendship end all because I can’t forgive and let go? Am I really going to hold a grudge all my life for something so little? Be this petty?
Friendship to me is forgiveness.
I went to a party yesterday.
I’m not a party person but I really like the Birthday girl. She’s one of my closest friends. I got to see a lot of people that went to high school with us. She’s really popular so she knows almost half of our city.
The thing about it is, living a double life. Sure I had the time of my life yesterday. But I’m worried about the pictures taken. Who will see them? Will any of my church companions know of the party?
I go to this church where they have strict rules on everything. They live their lives by the Bible. And even though I love God sometimes I am not able to abide by all his rules, and I recognize that.
So I’ve lived my life in two worlds. One, where I’m an Innocent faithful Christian. The other, where I do as I please and live my life to the fullest.
Where and when will this all end? Will things catch up to me? Will someone catch up to the lies?
I know deep down inside I will have to chose a side. I will have to pick what life I want to actually live. And I know doing so many people will be disappointed. That’s just the way it is.