Scared For 2018

So right now snapchat, instagram, and Facebook are all being flooded with post about how 2017 treated people. Some are saying that it was great and some are saying how it’s the worst year yet.

For me I’m swiping through word press and see all the 2017 posts as well. People saying goodbye to this year and hello to the next.

All the while I’m in my bed just listing to music. Doing nothing special. Not drinking, not having fun. Just boring old me in my bed. Sadly I work tomorrow but over time is over time.

I messaged a friend and told him that I really did appreciate his friendship this year. Through our ups and downs. Our adventures and out boring phases . It was all fun and great and he really did make this year better.

I’m scared for 2018 honestly. Everyone says that the next year will be better but it seems to only get worse. What’s going on? I have so many questions and no one seems to want to answer them. Am I the only one who’s scared?

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Merry Fucking Christmas

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m stuck at my call center job. I really hate it here. It’s minimum wage and you have to constantly take calls and harassing people, stay up to date with your stats, and try not to mess up. Honestly it’s too much. Plus I have my other job. My full time job pays more so idk why I’m even here. I could just walk out right now. But I can’t, and I won’t. Don’t have those balls.

Tomorrow I’ll be here for 11 hours. Marvelous. I’m getting paid over time and then after 8 hours it’s double so hell yes I’ll be here. Plus they say it’s really slow so why not. What we get paid on over time is what we should actually be getting paid . I mean this is serious business. It Doctor calls and hospital calls. What if we miss something? What if we write the wrong info? Didn’t matter matter.

Ive been feeling down for a while now. I hate being like this. I wish I could swap life with someone who is happy just to know how that feeling feels all the time. I swear I’m happy one day and then I’ll be so low fro the next 4 weeks .

I was going to help a friend move her tv from her old house to her boyfriends house. I was meeting her at midnight and she never showed up. I was over tired, sick, and sleep deprived. I knew she was going to flake like she always does but I’m just too nice of a person.

Anyway Merry Fucking Christmas.

High

This past Monday I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain. For all you oldies or people that only read books, it’s an amusement park with extreme rides. I had a blast and I really enjoyed my time there. You think that time would fly by but it actually didn’t. It dragged on and it felt great. I actually never felt that way. And if I had, it has been a real long since i can’t remember.

I thought it was going to be packed and the lines were going to be long but it was the total opposite. The most we waited was 25 minutes and that was only because it was the last ride of the day and everyone was getting on it.

I went with my best friend. Yes, best friend. I consider him my best best friend now. We have been getting real close lately. I have been more open with him and so has he. Told him I’m gay? No. I don’t think we are there yet. I don’t think we will ever get there. But he never asks so maybe he knows already? Wouldn’t that be swell.

When I came back to real life on Tuesday I had vacation sickness . Like you know when you are away from home and you miss home, so you’re homesick. So I came back from a mini day-cation. So I was day-cationsick. Which sucked because I really just wanted to be happy but coming back it’s like uuuuhhhhg you know?

But it’s been slowly fading. I’m just now coming back down from the high of excitement I was on. That’s the thing with me. I can be so high and then come crashing down all at once or stay up there for the longest time so then when I do come down it’s just terrible.

In other news I might quit my call center job. It has me stressed. Although I have been liking the expensive life, that might need to stop though.

Anyway that’s that.

Unappreciated 2.0

I have a rant. If you don’t wont to hear it then the door is right there *points to the door*.

OK, so lately I think working two jobs is getting to me. I have been more stressed and have been more worn out. I have been feeling down. I think I need time to myself, time to go far far away with my thoughts and just think.

One of my greatest problems is giving my all to people and it seems that I never get back half of what I give. I feel so unappreciated. I feel unwanted. I do feel needed but only to be used for other people’s purpose.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of always complaining. I’m tired of always playing the victom. Why can’t I for once be the one with the perfect life. Why can’t I be satisfied with what I have. I like to think I am happy with the things I do and the things that I own, but I don’t, and I don’t want more. Possessions is not what I desire. Its peace. Its time. It’s just the feeling of being ok. But how can I have those things when all I feel is empty.

Strangers

I did it again. I know I shouldn’t have but when lonely comes knocking on your door there’s not much you can do except roll out the red carpet and let it in.

So two weeks ago I downloaded tinder. Don’t know why, ‘just cause’ could be a concrete answer really. Since I decided to give up on Love, I went the hoe route. Sleeping with random strangers.

In all honesty, no I don’t feel bad. When had a little fun hurt anyone? Ok maybe not the best example but still.

And hey, I work two jobs, pay all my bills and rent, take care of my family, put food in the fridge, and I’m generally a nice person. So who’s to say I can’t be a hoe once in a while? No one. You try to walk in my shoes see how long you last.

Along with being filthy, I’ve also been going out a lot. Getting closer with a friend. He doesn’t know I’m gay but that never comes up. Nor do I have the need to tell him . Does he know? Does it matter?

Any way this is my 100 post and I was going to do the whole thank you a and what I’ve learned about blogging but I’ll save that for later since I have to save time for hoeing around.