I am so stressed. I fear for my future. It’s hard to say what will become of me in the next weeks. I feel like i am going crazy. Multiple times I have found myself zoned out just, thinking.
Questions flood my mind, like, how will we eat? How will we pay our bills? How will we pay the rent? Will we even have a place to live? How will we move on? Can we? Can I?
I can now confirm that my back pain is do to stress. Every time I find myself thinking about things my back turns out to feel worse. I can’t think straight at work . I have been making more and more mistakes as the days go by. I have been known for not making any, now I don’t know how to explain them all. I just can’t focus. Sleep is getting harder to do. I can’t fall asleep easy and when I wake up I lie in bed paralyzed by what I have to get up to. Every day is darker than the past.
I don’t know what else to do to get my mind off all my problems. Reading and watching TV does not help. Listening to music only clouds my thoughts but doesn’t fix them. Expressing my feelings and talking to someone wont help, all they will tell me is to ‘hang in there and wait ’till it gets better.’ But its funny, because I know it wont. It can’t. They don’t know me. They are not in my situation. How can they possibly say that it will get better? How can they possibly know?
I don’t think I have ever been so close to the end of my rope. Or, maybe I have, but this time I feel that I just might let go.
I just wish everything would just stop.