Some Of Us Have To Suffer So Others Don’t 

So Journal, 

          You could say that I am furious at my friends. I feel like they don’t understand what I’m going through. They don’t realize the struggle that is my life right now. Yes, I know I don’t roam around spilling my guts out for the world to see but they should notice if they are my friends correct? Correct

          One of my estranged friends keeps sending me funny memes from Buzzfeed and People, yet she hasn’t spoken or texted me in over two months. Is this her way of saying hi? Of trying to find out how I’m doing? By sending me memes about how girls feel better and more powerful when they don’t shave their legs? I want to scream through the phone CALL ME! I NEED HELP!  Seriously, I really do want to hear her voice. I want her to tell me that everything will get better, even though it won’t. I want her to make me laugh the only way she knows how. I want to see her face to face. See her smile. Hear her laugh. But how can we do that if the only way she is trying to comunicate is through memes? Then in the other hand she might not know any other way to break the ice. I have no clue. And I don’t know what to do. 

          I was also talking to another friend, his name is Gabriel. (I talk about him enough, I feel like his name should be mentioned by now.). He went to a funeral today and he said he found emotions that he didn’t have before. I was very curious to see what he meant. He explained that his dad is a drunk (this I knew) and that he didn’t know what to do. He said he didn’t know what will happen if it gets worse and he’s very deeply sad. 

          Ok, let’s back the train the fuck up. First of all. Yes your dad drinks. But he has two homes. One that you live in, have your own room, and have more than enough food in. The second one he rents to people  which provides even more money to the home that you’re currently living in. Third, he works a full time job. Sure every weekend he likes to get a little tipsy and have fun, the man does so much! He’s not your typical drunk. The ones you see on TV that don’t have any money and have long hair and a beer belly. He just looks like another dad. 

          I understand what he’s going through. My dad was a drunk. But my dad was a real drunk. He didn’t give a shit. He wouldn’t come home for days. He would work when he wanted. And sometimes we would have to eat bread and milk for a couple of days until my mom found some way to bring home food. Thank god my dad isn’t around anymore. He was a piece of shit. But him complain about his dad? You little fucker! Let him get drunk that’s his way of unstressing. As long as he provides you a roof and food what esle do you want? 

          What gets me mad is that he sounds like he is in deep pain. Like he’s morning the loss of something. He’s like in the brink of depressing and I’m just like dude really? I know I should be more understanding, but come on! My mom has cancer, we’re on food stamps, and I can barley keep up with the  bills. And your going to tell me that you’re sad?

          Update: he just messaged me that he’s planning his graduation party. I’m done. He doesn’t know how fucking privaliged he is. I never had a graduation party. So while I’m over here struggling to provide for my family in my early twenties he’s going to be having the time of his life being showered with gifts.

           I know I sound like an asshole, but life is so unfair. I look back at my life and try to see what I did wrong to deserve all this bad karma. But I can’t. All I see is a great little kid with a big heart who never got in trouble and always got straight A’s. But I guess in this life some of us have to suffer so others don’t. 

5/1/2017

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