I can’t do! I’m freaking out! I’m sitting in my kitchen table on Netflix (which is usual) but the fact that its 6:13 pm on Friday, not any Friday, the second Friday that my friend’s have rescheduled a “Friend’s Night” so we can hang out.
I have full anxiety. They have been group texting all day. I only joined once, they expect me to get there soon, (I said I’d be there t six) but I just can’t find it in me to get up and go. One of them asked where we wanted to eat. (I’m broke as FUCK). I texted back that I would eat at home and just go to their house after.
That didn’t work she said that she would just order pizza. That’s cool I thought , then she texted another friend to take soda and chips, in the group chat! Like you could have done that in a personal text. But whay have me see? (WHAT THE FUCK). So, am I just supposed to go empty-handed? That makes me feel so bad and I don’t even know why. How can I just go and act jolly and laugh at everythig and have fun when everything is not fun. I’m panicking I’m breathing hard and fast, I’m sweaty an its thirty-four degrees outside.
Last week I canceled, this week I’m not even going to show up? I don’t even know what I’m doing. They are my friends, right? Why am I running away from them? Why am I putting up walls? Why can’t I be real with them? I just cant do it.
So I’m just going to sit here all night and watch them blow up my phone wih “where are you?” texts. No, I wont answer, because even if I tried I don’t know what I would say. I’ll jus keep watching Netflix because that’s the only thing I am good at. I’m so socially awkward. I can’t have have a normal oversation , let alone some friends? Whats up with that? Ugh.