A Loser Like Me

Dear Journal,

     This weekend went just as I had planed it would be! I went out, had fun, and fell in love! Just kidding. None of that really happened (and never will to be brutally honest). What actually happened isn’t that much of an excitement. Kind of a “meh” weekend. I wouldn’t say it was bad either, I mean I didn’t die (although I wouldn’t necessarily consider that bad).  *Insert thinking emoji here*

     Last weekend I finish the series Lost on Netflix. It’s a great show but the ending sucks (FYI). One of my favorites of all time, but as I finished it, my anxiety of what I was going to binge on next grew on me. Out of all the options I chose Glee. I know gaaaay. (Its okay, I can say that). *Flips hair in a sassy motion*

     Back when the show premiered on TV I was a huge fan but I lost touch when other circumstances in life came around. (“Adulting”). Now that I have the chance I can watch the whole series and I’m proud to say that in a week I have caught up pretty well. I’m currently  on season three, episode five. (Wait should I be proud of that?)

     Anyway Journal, Saturday night I decided to watch a scary movie, since in fact it is my favorite genre in film (or so I thought). I hadn’t seen a scary/horror movie in a while, months maybe! That’s just not like me, I live to be terrified. To not know whats coming next, get goose bumps on my skin, a shiver down my back, and jump when things come out of no where. That’s my thing!

     So I put on a movie that I found that had good reviews. In short it was about a psychologist who gets brutally attacked by one of her patients, witnesses her death, and is brutally scared. She takes a two-year break and comes back well and better than ever until a patient that was brutally scared from a fire or something brings back the memory of the dead girl, (literally).

     Twenty minutes in I fell asleep. I was so mad. I don’t fall asleep through movies like that not even when I’m sleep deprived. So I asked my self, was it not that good of a movie as I thought it was going to be? Or, was I just too sleepy to continue before it had the chance to grab my attention?  

     To put these theories to the test I decide to watch Bates Motel. It’s basically the life of Normal Bates before he became Psycho. It’s a real thriller/dark kind of show. But as I watched it I saw that I was trying too hard to pay attention. In the past seasons I was hooked in the first two minutes of any episode.

     So I ask, what is wrong with me? Did I suddenly change? Why has my love for horror vanished? The only logical and scientific conclusion I can come up with is that my life is already a horror movie of its own and it has to many thrills (not generally in a good way). That the ones on a screen don’t entertain me as much. For example, I have so many things to worry about, work, my family, health, the crazy guy who’s in office, and so many more things that, sitting down and watching someone terrorize people or trying to solve a mystery before it plays out is just not as fun anymore.

     I have concluded that I can only watch comedies or comedy related melodramas. The world is already filled with dark things and to be watching more makes my life so depressing. I need more fun in my life, more laughter. The world we live in today is so dark. Watching The Office and Parks & Rec made me laugh and made me feel good. I don’t know about anyone else but I like feeling good, so now all that’s left to do is find a show that makes me smile and laugh. In the mean time I will be listening to Loser Like Me by the cast of Glee on a continuous loop, thank you very much. (It’s been in my head all weekend).

1/29/2017

Modern

Dear Journal,

          After many failed attempts to have a physical journal, I’m trying something new. (Very modern, I know). But all the journals I have had before have mysterious disappeared and are nowhere to be found. I like keeping a journal because it allows me to not only keep the memories of the day or of events fresh in my mind, but also to look back at them in the future. Plus I’m not very loud, or outspoken but in my journal I can say anything.

          In my past journals, (may they rest in peace), I would write every single day. I remember I would get home and right until my fingers would fall off. Everything that was written down was in a vivid description with very specific details. I never liked leaving out anything, and if I did I would say it on another day. It was actually pretty stress relieving and relaxing. It was a way to get everything out so I wouldn’t carry it with me.

          To be completely honest I’m not sure what I will do with this Blog/Journal. Hell, I don’t know what I’ doing with my life so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But I will write as much as I can, when I can. (We’ll see how that goes).

 Like today, (I work at a Motor Parts warehouse, I know glamorous), my day started really well. At our pre-shift or “before work meeting” I was given a shout out where everyone clapped for me because I was simply such a good worker. Not bad. The day was going by so fast until some coworker said how shy I was. I know that doesn’t bother much people but for me it did. I know, I’m shy, my face floods with blood-red when ever I’m the center of attention. I hate that. I don’t have a valid reason why I do but it just bothers me.

          I don’t want to be shy! I wish I was more outspoken. Don’t get me wrong but if I have something to say I will say it but that only happens every once a million years. Anyway, later our Inventory Manager, (I’m in the inventory department), bought us pizza. Take in mind that there was about nine of us in the room and they are people I have known for about seven months now, I was the only one who only spoke two sentences in the span of forty-five minutes.

          I didn’t notice of course, until our Manager said, “Pedro, why are you so quiet?” Once my face deflated from the red all I could say is “I’m always quiet.” Not the best response but it worked. I hate that though why can’t I act like a normal person and have normal conversations with people who aren’t even strangers? The pizza was good though, so that’s that.

          One of my friends invited me to go out tonight but I’m broke so I said no, she just texted me right now but I haven’t looked at my phone. Half scared half guilty I guess. It’s just going to be another Netflix Binge watching weekend for me. If any characters come out of my screen I’ll be sure to inform you.

                                                                                                                                                              1/28/2017